Jason and Jody,
WIth all due respect, this is really out of hand. Some of this banter meets every definition of "bully" there is. And there's a lot of instigation going on, too.
Most bullies may not even understand how wrong their behaviour is and how it makes the person being bullied feel. Even through their writing, they can bully. Condescending attitudes also constitute bullying.
Is it possible on the new and improved forum to give each member a profile where one can click on their name and see a "member" rated? The mods could be the ones who "rate" the member by way of reported posts, or warnings from the forum mods. In such a way, one would be able to see the kind of behaviour one is engaged in. It might be the enticement one needs to stop that behaviour. New members coming in would be able to see who they want to avoid, and so on.
Or instead of the star being the reward for the number of posts allow it to represent their behaviour. I personally think this whole 'star' for messages thing makes people feel that they belong to a higher echelon therefore, they get away with more. If it were a reward for long term positive action on the board, it would serve a much greater purpose.
It should be a reward, not a status.
What do others think???
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When I posted to Renees mom, I didn't see that your name had come up too. I am equally sorry that this has upset you too!!!!
The very reason I called myself "Dreamer" is that I too dream alot about decorating, but rarely get any done. I would hate to be spanked for each of the times I have asked for advice and never even started the project I asked about - my butt would be so sore I would be unable to sit down! Dream away, Smoodgie. We will be here to dream along with you.
I'm sorry you've been dragged into this too!!
but the lick doesn't offend me...I am going to do some serious damage in Homesense...gasp..haven't been in over a month !
Kim
If you were here right now I'd give you such a big lick, you wouldn't have to shower for an entire week!!! You are a very observant lady!! Enjoy Homesence, and btw all of your purchases are on me!!!!!
Believe me, it's not that I don't listen to or appreciate your advice and everyone else's advice. But I barely have enough time to do all the things that I HAVE to do. It's next to impossible to find the time to paint and decorate :(
I do spend a lot of time thinking about what I want to do, and getting different people's viewpoints is always helpful to me.
I have been a member for a year and a half. I mainly lurk, because I find it so upsetting that these threads constantly start up. I used to love reading all the posts and looking at other people's photos. I would post some, but I don't have a digital camera yet..my bad !! I think some members like Elise and Aan are hysterical, not malicious. All I can say is it is VERY obvious to me that all the trouble starts when a certain member starts posting again. I was convinced that it was the same person, and now I know for sure. So many great people have gone away because of this one person. I think that this person has had well over 3 strikes and should definately be asked to leave. We should just drop it once and for all and get on with what we all love...sharing idea's about decorating.
Just my thoughts, I never respond to these threads..but this one really pi**ed me off ! Now I am off to Homesense to have some fun !!
Kim
to respond further - I could be writing forever - however I would like to point out that anyone who wonders how I feel about Smoodgie and her questions should do a search of my posts. I have answered many of Smoodgie's questions and I enjoyed doing it. I hope to answer more. I don't care if Smoodgie never follows a word of my advice - she has always received it graciously and that is more than good enough for me.
I didn't want to get involved in this thread, but after reading two posts where Shelley mentions my name, I've had it. Whether or not there's any truth to what was allegedly said, I don't want to be used or bullied.
I can understand why Artsy & EcoDesign have left the boards. It's not much fun to be insulted and/or manipulated by strangers.
I meant the comment about throwing up on my shoe, not the "sleeping with the enemy" one!!!
Can someone tell me what BHG is??
edited to change "stand for"to "is"
I will make one, and only one apology in this entire thread, and that is to you. I regret that my comment has led into your name being dragged into this entire episode.
You are a classy, talented, wonderful lady, and I am so sorry that this thread has upset you!!!
Just delete my membership. I'm done. THings will never change. It was fine here for a year before you ever came along Dreamer/Aan/Elise. Not a single disagreement. Then one day.... and it all went to hell... I'd love to know why you were banned from the BHG boards long ago...from what I've heard, it was for a similar reason.
Dreamer, Aan, your comment about Renee'sMom -
THe day that you were all accusing me of being several different alias's (which I had never been) Renee'smom made the comment:
"I don't care if she comes back as ____" it has nothing to do with the reason we're all here" (I'm sure you can find that post and in the chat room several days later Aan said to you "Renee'smom must be sleeping with the enemy otherwise why would she defend it" and you laughed. And then your comment about Smoodgie - one day you made the comment that she comes asking for design advice but never does a single thing anyone suggests, that she goes off and does her own thing until the next time she asks again.
So, don't sit here and call yourself Almighty Goddess and Defender of the Truth when you're a liar and a hypocrit and so insecure you'd say anything to get people to like you. At least I hav ethe courage to say it like it is.
Oh, and about the RCMP - you bet I called them and you bet I filed a complaint after getting 24 emails from Aan in the same day, and to have you going around spouting things like I have emotional issues and that your partner said I'm psychotic... that's harrassment!!!!!!!!!!!! And all because I dared to disagree with you.
It makes you as much a bold face liar saying there's so such person as the person I named because you called and asked. I'll be sure to let him know. THat's a load of crap!!!!!!! You just keep telling your lies.
Jason and Jody just ought to ban the whole freaking lot of us. It would do the forum a whole lot of good!
Janetc, please accept my regrets. I have been ambushed in the past, more than once, by others in masquerade and now it seems I jump at virtual shadows. My suspicisions are part of the legacy but my own angst should not cause suffering in others.
I am a member who has been on this forum for a very long time. I resent what is being done to my forum. I resent the slurs cast against my friends, people I have grown to care about, even though they are 'imaginary'. I resent it that lies are used and the names of innocents are invoked. I resent that this has become a good place to stir up trouble, thinking that a screen will be your protection.
I resented being asked to boycott this forum and I resent that the member who asked is still here, spreading her poison. She is here by her minion even when not in person.
She flatters new members and hopes to ensnare them into her plan. Poor things probably never knew what hit 'em.
How truly pathetic. To resort to lies and star chamber chats to stain the character of members. To create aliases and hide on the forum and elsewhere to collect stories which are twisted for her own cruel purpose.
If Elise were banned that would truly be the KING of ironies, since the one who should be banned is the one who started the plan to ban someone else, and nearly succeeded - which would have been very sad indeed. Not to mention the ongoing crap that is continually being regurgitated-fun for some? Not me, or any other sane person I'm guessing.
What decor posts have you really contributed lately on this forum other than free marketing? You have purposely used 'puppets' to set up other members and to be your scapegoat on more than one occassion.
It continues to surprise me that some 'members' lets themselves get used this way. When you first join this forum, Shelley/dekota will be your new best friend until you disagree. At the beginning I thought there was a cool mix of minds here. How naive I was!
This forum does not need a leader, but if it did, it would never be you.
Sadly, this has been my only post in weeks, and may be my last - I have precious few minutes every day that I can enjoy some online fun. This has become somewhat of a nightmare. Jody, Jason, please do something.
What you said. Ditto from me.
I dont want to get too involved in this whole thing, but I just want to remind everyone how easy it is nowadays to alter chat transcripts. Anything from an email, live chat (MSN groups or messenger) or even forum posts can be altered easily with any word processing program.
Even screenshots (a "snapshot" taken of your screen) can be easily changed with the help of a graphics program. Words can be erased, changed, and put out of context, and with today's technology, it is nearly impossible to pick up on this.
Just a word to remind everyone.
This is unreal. Now innocent people are getting dragged into this! Now that is what I call...BULLYING!
Sorry about what was said in a previous post. I agree with Dreamer, nothing you have ever said (or posted) has ever been controversial and I don't remember you getting involved in anything.. So I really can't imagine you being the subject of negative comments. I don't remember your name even being brought up, let alone being said negative comments about.
I have a fairly good memory, some would even say photographic, I never recall saying anything bad about you, I'm also having trouble seeing WHY I would say anything bad about you.
I honestly don't know. I do not recall a thing being said about you at all by me or Aan. Your comments are hardly controversial, so the fact your name might have arisen in such a context is unimaginable.
Sorry to hear about what happened. It's certainly more than what I thought.
At the same time, I'm curious to know what was said about me, as per Shelley's post.
A lie told often enough becomes truth, even to the person who first delivered it!!!!
......and everyone who understands and sympathizes with my little bout with the flu!!!! Some of us have been here a long time, and luckily the fog has not yet clouded or impaired our memory. Shelley, I would suggest you remove that halo of yours, it really is very unbecoming, and besides you can never find earings to match!!!
Much to your chagrin, I plan to be here for a very loooong time. There will probably be many more debates, such as this one, I'm looking forward to it, for sure!!!
Now will someone please post a picture of 2 monkeys hugging, or 2 koala's dancing, or 6 geese a laying, or something please!!!!!
Good night Shelley, I hope you wake up all dewey eyed and ready for a new day!!!!!
Excuse me Dreamer while I correct you. I was not Afranko!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't accuse me of being people that I have not been.
It's good that history is all about interpretation because your story is full of falsehoods. Secondly, you have a real hard time leaving the past in the past. If you want to dredge up the past and interpret it the way you see it, you might let me have a go and post some emails and messages, and chat transcripts where you lied about people from this forum behind their backs. (including Renee'sMom, where you and Aan talked about her in a negative way, myself, Foxxy, Smoodgie at one point where Aan said to you that she was "weird", and even Jason from this board was referred to as weak and had no control of his own job, and a few others)... but I'm not going to dredge up the past, only to shed light on the fact that that's YOUR story, not the whole truth. And you referred to ME as being psychotic, and emotionally unstable in a conversation with someone else but when you were called on it, you refused to apologize. You lied and said your partner was a psychiatrist... that, too, was a lie!
So, leave the past in the past, and deal with THIS issue, rather than the others that have already been hashed and rehashed.
Hi Dreamer,
I wasn`t around when all this happend so I can`t comment but what i will say is that it`s truly unfortunate that something like that transpired on and off the forum! Exchanges like that should never go on because they`re hurtful among other things...and I`m sorry that happend!
But what I do have a problem with is how this history is never allowed to die and the uninvolved have to endure the endless exchanges.
There are many posts with obvious veiled digs or overt attacks from what I`m guessing are the parties involved. Regardless of who made the first dig or what has gone on in the past can`t everyone involved just agree to disagree and not dig at each on the open forum?
If the parties involved sense or recieve a dig...report it to the mods and let them deal with it. Posting a snide reply serves not to defend but to only perpetuate the discord. So no one wins in the end...we just end up with a quiet forum and overworked mods.
Please know that I`m not trying to lessen the past history because it sounded horrible but what I am hoping in posting this reply is to prevent anything like that from happening again...
that is all too sad....truly it is, i have belong to other forums, support group forums and you do have some that communicate on more of a personal level and some that prefer to stick to just the forum...i personally have stuck to mostly the forum and im glad i have.....as i had one girl and only one on my messenger she belonged to the group and went and told another member that i said something nasty about another member, it broke my heart... which i never did and would not,the only time i would even discuss the members with her was to ask how someone had been...the end!.... the next thing i know i get an email accusing me of this, i was devastated as this forum was my passion and to help people with the same or similiar illness as mine was best theraphy i had ever recieved and it help me deal with the physical pain on a daily basis... so now i stay clear of this person and trusting on the internet became difficult for me, as i was too naieve to think people could be so nasty....friends use to say to me be careful as the forums have these clicks...and i have seen it, but been close friends in my opinion is not a click or bad thing....if it is someone that you can trust.....and a circle of friends is not a bad thing either as long as they are good people and dont gang up on others as i have seen done too.....the group i belong to now and have for over 2 years is wonderful, not once have there been a bad word spoken...hopefully things will improve here for the sake of this forum
janetc
This thread, and others posted this weekend epitomize irony. It cries out for a history lesson.
The members of this forum got along wonderfully, until friendships started to form. Isn’t that something? The first hint of discord arose because some of the members liked others especially well. Chatty threads prompted complaints that the chatters visit elsewhere. As a result a few members exchanged e-mail addresses in order to communicate elsewhere. The first irony was that the exchange alone grated on the nerves of some.
Apologies and explanations were offered. Feathers seemed to be smoothed, except for one member, that I will call Member Z. Another member characterized friendships as “cliques”. Member Z began to cast insults at the chatters.
Then, one day, a little bit of slang crept into a member’s post. A member, that I will call Member 1, was asking for the forum’s opinion on whether a headboard alone looked ok, without a footboard. She said that she felt a sleighbed headboard without a footboard looked retarded. Member 1 was attacked by another member, Kristy, for her remarks about the Canadian furniture industry. Ultimately, Kristy stated that it was really the word “retarded” that troubled her, because she has a mentally disabled child.
I am sensitive to defensiveness about a disabled child. My beloved nephew, firstborn among the children in my family is profoundly autistic. I, and the rest of my family, are very protective of him. I knew, however, that Member 1 did not mean to offend. She herself has a loved family member with a mental disability. The word “retarded” long ago stopped meaning “disabled” in the minds of the vast majority.
However, one member took it upon herself to become a moral authority, the same member who encouraged Member Z in her dislike of cliques. This member, who I will call Member X, wrote to Member 1, upbraiding her for her use of the word, as if Member 1 ought to have known it would offend. Then, Member X took things a step farther. She used the fact that she had set up an Album site for members to email as many members as she could, calling for a boycott of the forum. The purpose of the boycott was to protest Member 1. Member X held a chat meeting on her album site and spread the word further. She said in emails to other members that Member 1 was a teenager. She said on chat that Member 1 was ruining the forum. She said that Member 1 had discouraged Artsy from posting, when in fact Member 1 and Artsy are pals off the forum. Member X wanted the other members to stop posting, in order to get the upper hand on Member 1. Unfortunately for Member X, the chat was copied, kept and circulated to Member 1’s friends. Her emails asking for the boycott were circulated to Member 1’s friends.
Member 1 was then the “most read” member of the forum. Her funny, quirky, clever posts were loved. She learned of the attempted boycott and was beside herself. She loved the forum. I learned of Member X’s plan and was indignant. I felt that Member X envied Member 1’s popularity. I decided that Member X should not hide in the shadows with her secret plan. I exposed her, on the forum. I repeated all of Member X’s nasty remarks about Member 1, carefully and faithfully transcribing Member X’s own words from her various emails and the chat. There were a number of furious posts exchanged and then Member X disappointed everyone by deleting the Album site she had set up.
The exposure infuriated Member X. She had no access to me, so she began sending threatening emails to Member 1, promising to have me arrested. She claimed that the RCMP were monitoring the forum and all of her emails. She said she had filed a complaint against me and recited the name of an RCMP constable. She claimed that I would be charged with defamation.
Well, there is such a thing as criminal defamation. However, the truth can never be called defamation, so no such thing occurred. Further, Member 1 contacted the RCMP and they had no record of a complaint, nor any constable by the name mentioned by Member X. They told Member 1 to contact the local police, which she did. They too had no file nor any such constable. Frankly, I do not believe the RCMP have the time or resources or interest in such a complaint. I believe that Member X was simply trying to terrify Member 1, and depending on Member 1 to convey the terror to me.
It worked. Member X did alarm Member 1. I spent a great deal of time reassuring Member 1. I consulted my partner, a certified psychologist, and he read the emails. He also conveyed assurances to Member 1. Member 1 and I stayed off the forum, and crept back on only when Member X appeared to be gone.
After the fear died down, Member X began to reappear under assorted names. One alias that I missed was “Afrancko”. One night I was idle and went to chat. There was a chatter named “Afrancko”. She and I struck up a conversation. She said she was from northern Ontario, gave me her name and a bunch of personal information. Then, she prompted me to talk about the forum.
I was asked about Member X and expressed my partner’s honest opinion that she was mentally unstable. He relied upon the story of a criminal complaint and prosecution to come to that conclusion, but I could not say so on the chat, having promised Member 1 that I would not repeat that story. The next morning I awoke to vicious posts by “Trudi” and then, threats of litigation from Member X. Member X repeated my partner’s assessment on the forum and claimed I had hurt her by that allegation. I was dumbstruck that Member X would repeat the allegations about herself on a public forum. I can’t explain why she would.
Now, this very same person, in her current guise, wishes to hold herself out as a moral exemplar. She lectures on bullying. Well, she should know about bullying. She has proven herself to be the most intimidating, bullying person on this forum, time and time again. She is deceitful. She perpetrates hostility through her friend, Member Z.
Am I resentful? You bet I am. I have loved coming to this forum too. But, ever since I dared stick up for my friend Member 1, who was being bullied, I have been reviled by Member Z and by the very member who started the bullying chain. I am accused of being a member of a clique, as if every group of friends is an evil coven instead of a circle of affinity. I watch the innocent and well meaning newer members being dismayed by the hostility they do not understand. I see other innocent members defend someone they do not know at all.
I am sick of the bully, the real bully.
oh good, I was afraid since the post was directed to me that you thought I had done it.
I agree it has to be everyone who thinks before they post. I believe it's when we react too quickly that the problems are likely to begin. Again, this thread demonstrates it all so well in how the posts have gone. If this was a classroom it might be a good exercise to go through them all and show were there were some misteps where ever they occurred.
When I'm pissed off at something/someone I usually write a long blast and once I've gotten it out of my system I go back and edit (often thinking of what the most over sensitive might interpret). Sometimes it works, sometimes not, but it sure works better than trying to do a lot of backpeddling later. There's nothing worse than hitting that submit button too quickly IMO.