Does anyone have any good blogs regarding tweens?
My DS is 11 and I am a bit worried about him making friends. He is a tell it like it is kid and often times you don’t need to hear words to know exactly how he is feeling – his non verbal cues are particularly loud. I really like that fact that he has such confidence in himself and I hope that will carry him through all of the tough decisions he is going to be facing in the next few years. However, I think that he comes across as really harsh and abrasive. The good thing is once people both adults and kids get to know him one on one I constantly get compliments on what a nice and pleasant kid he is.
Or maybe I should be asking if it is ‘normal’ for a boy to not have as an active social life or be called on by his buddies as a girl (our DD is 8 and has a social calendar that is crazy busy)?
I am particularly concerned right now since we are moving and he will be attending a new school.
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Sometimes, I never know if I am overreacting, should be concern or just let live. However, I don't want to look back and recognize that there was a problem and not have dealt with it.
Well, I think you have to remember that as parents we only see part of the picture. I taught school for many years and was always amazed when parents would describe their child's character or behaviour at home and it would seem so opposite to what I was seeing in the classroom. Perhaps your son is much more active socially within his school setting and chooses to be less social in his home setting. So when he gets home and has a little 'down time' he appears to be more of a loner but in reality he has had a very fulfilling social life all day long. This seemed to be the case for my son. All his teachers said that he was extremely happy and well-adjusted at school with a large circle of friends. I got the sense that for my son he needed a little time out on the home front.
I would not worry too much about this. Certainly he may face challenges in a new school but sometimes these challenges are a good thing. I think Dawn is right when she says that it is difficult to define 'friendship'. Perhaps girls in general tend to have a larger scope of 'friends' but in reality the depths of these friendships are in themselves somewhat suspect.
Probably best to keep talking to him as he goes through this next challenge of changing schools.
Try not to worry. If he has a good self-confidence that's a good thing. The rest will just come into place.
In a way I think you are lucky in that perhaps he's choosy about who he would consider as a friend. If that's the case I guarantee you there are a whole bunch of parents out there who envy you! Although it's ok to worry that he may be a tad harsh and abrasive, maybe that's just him being 'real', which overall is a good quality in a person.
Defining friendship is complicated, and varies with each individual. I'm always telling my kids that a list of hundreds of 'friends' on facebook is merely a list of acquaintances, that true friends are those who have time for you in real life, in person. They don't necessarily agree with me, but they acknowledge the point I make. Sometimes availability plays a big role in that, as in when there are no kids to play with after school because they are picked up to do something in their very scheduled lives. Another circumstance that comes to mind is when someone considered a best friend goes away for either a month or the entire summer. In the end, if your kids make the best of what they have and feel good about it, that's all you can ask for.
Lessismore, interesting enough our son thinks he has more friends and is by more popular than our DD - which is kind of where part of the concern came up, as wierd as that sounds. He would say he is so popular and has tons of friends yet he seems to be alone so much more than DD. He does not seem unhappy though. It wasn't until DD's schedule starting to whirl out of control that we noticed this huge disparity.
Sometimes, I never know if I am overreacting, should be concern or just let live. However, I don't want to look back and recognize that there was a problem and not have dealt with it.
Interesting topic, never thought about it much but girls seem to enjoy being part of a pack. They feel security and validation by being surrounded by a group. Less exposed I guess. I remember there was lots of bad talk about a girl who did not want to be part of a group, she was more of a loner but she bacame labelled as "weird". Thankfully as women mature they don't need to feel a part of a large group 24 X 7. Yet many boys are loners or they have 2 or 3 good friends. I don't recall ever seeing more than 4 boys hanging out together on a regular basis. Today if you were to see that it might be suspicious as being a gang. Going to the movies with my friends meant 7-10 of us.
Girls and telephones :laugh:, I'm surprised little baby girls aren't born attached to a phone. Girls love yakking on the phone going over every minute detail of their day with one another. In my day there was no conference calling so I gleefully relayed my day several times over in the evenings even though each girl I spoke with was right there when anything happened. What a waste of time, I think now, if only I had put so much energy into my schooling :laugh:
I had that same worry once upon a time. My son, now 15, did not have near as many friends or invitations to social events as my daughter but it has all worked out as I believe it should....when it comes to boys. I really think that there is a whole different dynamics at play when you come to compare the social life of tween boys to tween girls.
Does your son demonstrate feel like he does not have enough friends? The move may mean a good change for him. Sometimes a move can give them a whole fresh start....not that they need it....but sometimes in their minds they have a new lease on being who they want to be. Hope that does not sound too much like pop-psychology. :)