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10 things to love and hate about white sofas

HHassist's picture
HHassist

1. It looks pretty

2. It matches all colours and decor

3. Humongous spiders are easily spotted

4. Because they’re white, no one will ever sit on them

5. You’ll never enjoy a snack or a glass of wine in front of the TV anymore

6. Killing spiders on it is tricky as they leave huge stains

7. By killing spiders on sofa, sofa becomes tainted and can never be sat on again due to spider contamination

8. Spiders starts to flourish even more so as they realize they’ve finally found a safe spot

9. To be able to afford bleach you would have to get a second job, good thing is because of the spider contamination, you’ll never consider touching the sofa ever again even if it means washing it.

10. You learn sofas become an unnecessary object in your life and you were happier when you lived on the floor.

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Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

I hear you loud and clear, like a bullhorn!!!

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

BM Gob Grey!!

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

Constance,
Perhaps white will be the new black? Maybe Elise can suggest which one of BM drooling goo or BM creamy splatter will compliment this best. Or perhaps we can aim for a more matching décor to our dysfunctional furniture and pitiable choices in colour. Perhaps incorporate more polka dots for wallpaper and spotted are rugs. I believe this should disguise our malfunctioning babies and rude spiders well.

Elise, table is on probation. I’d like to strip it, but fear there aren’t enough gasmasks around for me to take on stripping off 10 layers of primer. Table is literally buckling under the weight of this paint, then again, it does give me a good reason to buy my must-have table from Pier 1.

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

....are people going to believe that the drool stains are actually from a baby's mouth or..............!!!!

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

.....and there are spider licks and unhatched eggs in all of my clothes? AaaaaaaaaH!!!!

By the way, what have you decided to do with your dining table? Have you hacked it down yet?

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

From what I understand spiders tend to run away when someone disturbs them, mine just stay where they are, taunting me. Clearly yours are the same breed.
I'd be weary just using the same washer, what if it managed to hatch in there before it slowly drown and burned to death in the scolding water?

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

Your list is hilariously funny and so true. The only person who could possibly appreciate so many spider guts is a kinky entomologist!!!
I once went to put some sheets into the washer from the hamper and a Goliath wolf spider ran across the top. I screamed like someone was sawing me in half, threw the sheets on the floor, grabbed the mop and proceeded to beat the living crap out of them. Then I threw anything I could get my hands on them, detergent, bottle of bleach, basket of clothespins, shoes, canned goods, and an overturned old coffee table. Finally I put them into the washer and washed them 3 times, just in case the spider could hold it's breath really good. To this day I am still jittery about those sheets, and keep batting my hair everytime I lie down on them!! So I fully comprende!!!

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

Although I would have a hard time picking out another colour, I do have regrets, it's so dirty and filthy already and that's just from dust!! Who knew dust actually made stains! And oh, perhaps a chocolate stain or two, but all outnumbered by spider guts! Boohoo!

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