My 14yo daughter found out yesterday morning she was one of only 2 girls cut from the JV lacrorsse team. (She played on junior high team for the last 2 years.) She's acting like she's ok with it, but I think underneath it has got to be killing her. We went out to eat at her fav place and instead of sulking being withdrawn she was very talkative and, for lack of better description, giddy/happy. I'm nervous that she's in shock and this is a defense mechanism to deal with it. I'd almost rather have anger & sulking because that is what you'd expect.. She's never been cut before .. I know I need to give it some more time but I was just curious if anyone has experience with a reaction like that before... I'm worried she's going to crash. Am I being overly concerned?
Also looking for any creative ideas to lift her spirits that don't scream "band-aid", "consolation prize". We are doing her room and I plan to put more focus on that this weekend... She did send the coach an email last nite to find out what she can work on..
Comment Guidelines
We welcome your feedback on Houseandhome.com. H&H reserves the right to remove any unsuitable personal remarks made about the bloggers, hosts, homeowners and/or guests we feature. Please keep your comments focused on decorating, design, cooking and other lifestyle topics. Adopt a tone you would be willing to use in person and do not make slanderous remarks or use denigrating language. If you see a comment that you believe violates any of the guidelines outlined above, please click “Alert a Moderator.” Thank you.
Maybe she isn't upset because her coach explained things to her in such a way that she was okay with the decision? That could be why she is still positive and willing to work with the coach still.
Who Hoo.....She will be fine ,If she does open up this is a perfect opportunity to talk about the disappointments in life,and it is an incident that makes us stronger and prepares us for adulthood. I am a firm believer that" what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". :) sometimes it is harder on the parents & grandparents as it is on them.I went through this with my DD and am now going through it with my darling grandsons who are 14 &18. :)
I agree that maybe she is a bit relieved that the pressure is off.
The dinner out was a perfect idea, keep the conversations light and open, since she may feel worse in a few days.
Sorry, I didn't quite understand what kind of sport she is doing. But it's not the point. Maybe your daughter got relieved that she is not in the team? Maybe there was some troubling realtionship within the team? She doesn't have it now and this is a good thing for her.
The fact that she keeps contact with the coach by herself (not as a result of family influence I guess) means that she has nothing against him or the sport. Let her figure out what is it that she wants without pressure.
I know some kids do sport activities to please their parents, not for themselves. If they fail they think they fail their parents' love to them. Well this is what I've seen recently during swimming class for kids.
Thanks for the input Inglewood and Tangotori. It really helps to have input.. I'm always questioning if I'm doing the right thing or if I could have handled something better. You know the old saying that they don't come with a handbook. :o It really helps to have people to bounce things off...
I knew it would be ok after a while. I was just worried short term that she was bottling it all up. Her giddiness was bordering on a 5 year old on Christmas eve.. you get the idea. I think she's going decompress gradually. After school today she was more of her teenage self... annoyed at any conversation I tried to start... :laugh:
You know... it's soooo hard as a mom because you don't want to see your kids hurt. Your instinct is to fix things and make 'em better. She was not the best, but certainly not the worst either (there was a girl who has never played before!!). And when you're one of only two, I imagine it stings more than if there were a handful. It's like being singled out... But you never know what the coach is looking for. I tell her to always listen to the coach and give it her best. I can't believe sometimes how rude girls can be to the coaches... but that's another subject.
On a more positive note, I'm extremely PROUD she's going to speak with him and ask what she can work on for next year. That takes guts... She's brushes off most of the "input" we've tried to give her over the years ("you don't know! you never played ___fill-in-sport-here___"). I hope this turns into a positive learning experience for her athletically speaking. No doubt it's a character builder. TGIF!!!! Thanks again.
I had that same experience. DS was cut from basketball team years ago....coach was clueless (seriously he had no Bball experience). He stood heads above the rest and previously played Bball in the states. My DS just shrugged it off knowing his skills were good and motivated him to improve even more. Anyways to make a long story short he has made County All Star since then, stands 6'8" and is being looked at for a Bball scholarship.
So therefore don't worry too much about this situation. It does hurt their pride but there is always another team and another year.
WhoHoo...
I'm far from an expert, although I do have a terrific 20 year old son so I can claim some experience. :D
My gut feeling says leave her be... after you reassure her that you're there to talk to should she need you, of course!
Your DD is approaching an age where she needs to find answers, solve problems, deal with disapointments/challenges/successess on her own - she'll build a strong and independant spirit this way. The important thing for her is that she knows the people she loves are there for her if she needs to talk.
Then, in about a weeks time, approach her about how she's feeling and perhaps broach the subject of taking on a different sport or hobby as a new challenge.
Good luck with this! :)
Vickie