best headlines of 2004 and more...

jenjen

thought i would share these with ya...enjoy!!!

THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2004:
>
> Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
> [no, really]?
>
> Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
> [now that's taking things a bit far]!
>
> Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
> [not if I wipe thoroughly]!
>
> Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
> [what a guy]!
>
> Miners Refuse to Work after Death
> [no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos]!
>
> Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
> [see if that works any better than a fair trial]!
>
> War Dims Hope for Peace
> [I can see where it might have that effect!]
>
> If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
> [you think]?
>
> Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
> [who would have thunk it]!
>
> Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
> [they may be on to something]!
>
> Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
> [you mean there's something stronger than duct tape]?
>
> Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
> [he probably IS the battery charge]!
>
>
> Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
> [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
>
> Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
> [Taste like chicken?]
>
> Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
> [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
>
> Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
> [Boy, are they tall!]
>
> And the winner is....
>
> Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
>
>
>
> Did I read that sign right?
>
> In an office:
> TOILET OUT OF ORDER......
> PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
>
> In a Laundromat:
> AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE
> REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT
> GOES OUT
>
> In a London department store:
> BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
>
> In an office:
> WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP
> LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR
> FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
>
> In an office:
> AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE
> TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE
> DRAINING BOARD
>
> Outside a secondhand shop:
> WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING
> MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE
> ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
>
> Notice in health food shop window:
> CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
>
> Spotted in a safari park:
> ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
>
> Seen during a conference:
> FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T
> KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST
> FLOOR
>
> Notice in a farmer's field:
> THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE
> FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
>
> On a repair shop door:
> WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD
> ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

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