i can't take anymore of the lil piglets my chidren...in the 30 mins it took me to straighten my hair this morning they completely trashed...and i mean trashed my family room!...i realize it's a family room but holy ****!!!...there were papers everywhere..markers...crayons...and pencil shavings..they sharpened a whole crap load of pencils and instead of getting up off their lazy asses to empty the shavings in the trash they dumped them on the floor....WTF!!!...then i tell them to clean it up and they pull an attitude on me...so being the hot blooded latin girl i am...I FREAKED!...i flew off the deep end...i snapped...i told them that it was fine that they didn't clean it up...and i would clean it up...but they better make sure they didn't have any homework in there cuz it was going in the garbage...ds#1 says what do i tell my teacher...so i told him that he could tell his teacher that because he's a PIG!...his homework got thrown out...and now he can have a detention...i just can't take anymore...i spend my time when i'm home cleaning to turn around and it was a waste of time...why do i bother...God forbid someone were to walk into my house right now...they'd think we lived in a dump...i'm frustrated and fed up and going insane...i got this job in town to help my sanity...but i don't think it's helping...i've tried all sorts of ''systems'' with them about their papers and pencils and homework and stuff...and it lasts a week...if that....i don't know what else to do...besides right now hopping in my car and driving off into the sunset and not looking back and let them see what kind of a place they would live in if i wasn't here bustin' my ass day in and day out cleaning up after their sorry asses!....
ok that's my rant for the day...thank you!
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this is a really old thread.............i dont why it surfaced again
If I had a dollar for every piece of lego picked up, every coat hung up etc. etc., over the years while raising my three, I'd be a multi-millionaire. I believe Erma Bombeck once said "Nobody every notices housework unless it isn't done.". I could scrub till my knees ached and my husband would come in the door and never even notice! We went through wet towels on bathroom floors, laundry piling up etc., and you just cope. Our youngest, eight years after the other two, lived at home until 27 (last year!) and never cleaned his room, cut grass or fed the pets. Since he moved in with his girlfriend, he cleans the house, does laundry and gets perturbed when kids cross his beautiful lawn! He stops by the house regularly now and helps his Dad with small chores without being asked. I KNOW it's a long time to wait....but if you hang in there someday they will turn out fine. I know that doesn't help while you're dealing with them, but, eventually, most kids grow up, mature and come back to you for advice. I recall my youngest, having terrible time toilet-training....to which the doctor said he could positively guarantee that he'd be toilet-trained by the time he graduated from university....he was
Wholly smokes someone better get a life.... we all have rants and raves, if they don't like the "free for all/General" discussions then don't go there. Stick to the design and decorate . I have 2 kids myself and know what you are going thru, ups and the downs and you just would like to blow off steam and see if anyone else has the same issues some days. i think for those that don't like the personal comments get off the free for all/general forum. I believe thats why it's called "free for all".
I laughed my ass off with ur comment..... what the hell are all these buttons what do they do.....mommy, mommy are u there.... She's a u know what, this forum rules.... It's been soooo helpful to me ....keep up the good work girls...
Don't feel bad about your reaction, afterall, I read in there that you told him first that you were tossing everything, so he had a chance to rescue his homework. He chose the "BUT WHATEVER WILL I DO???" response instead of taking it out quick and starting to help tidy.
As for KateH... don't feel bad about that either. Apparently she has enough difficulties in life understanding the Forum sections. Sadly, she can't figure out that if her interests lie solely in decorating, she shouldn't be wasting her precious time away from friends and family in Real Life reading forums that are clearly not marked Decorating and Design.
On second thought, maybe we SHOULD feel bad. Imagine how hard life must be for her when her tv is not tuned into HGTV and she is stuck there for hours on end watching sports or something equally unrelated because she can't figure out how to turn the channel.
I'm sorry to chuckle at this thread.
Ok, who says mouse poop & messy kids ISN'T a decorating problem? And yes i did vent about my divorce and no i don't have any friends since I just moved across the country.
Since my hubby told me I had no emotions, I'm not offended by KateH comments.
I like hearing about everyone's life. I get some good tips about dealing with it.
So this is what happens when I don't pop in for one day?! All h#ll breaks loose, lol. Glad to hear you feel better today. Sometimes counting to 10, no make that 30 helps. I get my son to count in french to 30 to cool him off. But you can stick to english if you wish :laugh:
I agree with having a homework/drawing station just for the kids too. I have one for my boys. There is always glueing, drawing, sharpening and cutting going on. So they make their little mess in their area. And I clean it up once a day only. It gives my eldest son a sense of freedom to be creative and do as he pleases without worrying about making a mess. I saw on Cityline some great ideas from Ikea of organisers that are neat and discreet, but perfect for the boys to put their crafts in.
Hey, maybe throw in a dustpan and brush next to the area. My youngest loves to sweep, so maybe not a bad idea. :biglol:
im glad to hear that you are having a better day today......although it sounds as though you have a very busy day..... :) and remember not only did you rant, we learned through your rant.....this morning on the dining room floor layed dd#3 leafs ball cap, her socks, and lunch bag.....i actually had to chuckle about it because it came back to me about our conversations on this topic yesterday. Enjoy your day jen!
smiles
janetc
me offended at what DBD said?...NO WAY!...i am to a degree what she has described...i do have my days where i could care less...but they are few and far between...but they are there...and as for today...yes i'm having a better day...i'm trying to let it go...i have the day off cuz ds#2 has speech therapy tonite and i run myself ragged on wednesdays...going to work coming home at lunch to clean up and start dinner...go back to work...come to get the boys...finish off dinner and leave the house by 3:20...then get home after 6:30...feed everyone...help with homework...bathe everyone...read a bedtiome story...clean up the kitchen...tidy up for the nite and somewhere in between make lunches...do laundry (cuz if there is one thing i don't care for is laundry)...pee...take Milo for a pee....know what i mean?...i'm realizing that i am the case of my stress andtension and all that good stuff...if i can learn to take a deep breath and relax i'll be fine...
thank you everyone for listening to me vent and rant on my ''bad day''...and for all your kind words and advice and sggestions...there i a wonderful group of ladies here...and i'm happy to have all of you as ''friends'' ;)
DBD..
I am glad you responded....it obviously struck a chord with you and you felt the need to share....perfect...that's what this forum is about....I am sure jenjen is not offended ....she was just having one of those days....those days that we all have once in a while....and I am glad she felt comfortable enough to vent to us....we are here to support one another ......DBD.....you are right about me cleaning all the time because the kids just can't do it like mommy and I just come in and "fix".....I have to stop that.......life ain't perfect..so why should I put so much pressure on myself.....thank you jen for posting.....it made me look at things differently........ :D so jen...do ya feel better today?
I believe there are happy mediums in all of this. there are also times when some folks have to go further due to health reasons, visiting relatives or whatever. to me, it's like drinking, there's nothing wrong with it for most but there are those for whom it becomes a problem when it starts to effect others.
My mom lost our support when it came to cleaning because she put that above all else. We knew what to do and how to do it but you soon learn to stop helping when you aren't fast enough, good enough, or whatever. It's not even that something is done wrong, it just not done their way. When someone is going to do it over anyway, no point in even starting.
I don't want Jenjen or anyone else think I am saying they are like this but when I see someone upset about cleaning it rings my warning bells enough to feel I should mention the other side.
I like a clean and tidy house I like things to be put back and can't stand a mess. Now having said that , that is the way I am now as we have a new house and I wan it to be kept new looking and I have edited my things down to where I ike them. When the boys were home and we lived in a small house with 3 big boys and all their friends I didn't stress about it. Some days there would be 10 or 12 pairs of size 12 shoes at the back door which was only inches from the table and you would have to kick them out of the way just to sit and eat. i lived like that when I had to and didn't like it but now I don't have to so I don't.I used to rant and yell and ***** at them about their mess and they would just look at me and roll their eyes repeating under their breathe " OCD" and just walk away. I learned to deal with their mess by moving them to the bedrooms downstairs anhd never going there. But having said that when they moved out when they were 16 to play hockey they could wash all their own laundry and iron all their clothes themselves.
i think we were posting at the same time :) ....i agree even balance is the key....dh was raised with a mom that was extremely picky and it shows, he hates a messy house likely more than i do and his sister went complete opposite, her dh does the cleaning. However, thanks to dh's mom he is very independent in the house, there isnt anything he cant do when it comes to caring for a home...from dishes to laundry. Yes, kids do need to be taught how to clean up after themselves and respect thier home......but im also guilty at times of being too naggy and then when i read DBD's story, it saddens me and gives me a reality check. Even balance for sure!
smiles
janetc
very good points, i think it was great to hear from DBD's point of view because she is now an adult but once was a child who lived with a mom with Complusive Disorder and has shown us how it effected her life. This illness would not be easy on the person who has it or the people who have to live with it. I was raised in a very laid back home, it was not dirty but when you walked through the door you knew five kids lived there, but for some reason im much more uptight about my house than my mother ever was. However, i have learned to lighten up and realize that there is more to life than a spotless house, but i will tell you, it isnt easy for me because dh and i lived 10 years with no children and everything was always in its spot. So now i do live with dust on things and i have days where that doesnt bother me, than i have days where i feel overwhelmed because i feel that i cant keep up. I have days when i nag too much and other days where the roof could cave in and i dont care. I do take pride in our home, i think sometimes when you are a stay at home mom, you tend to take on this obligation that is expected of you. Jen, you did not burden anybody on here with your rant.....well except one person but i guess some just are not understanding to someone having a bad day. I understand what DBD has said and i dont want my kids growing up remembering a mom that only worried about how tidy the house was....really makes me think twice, but i can also appreciate why jen becomes frustrated when you have things tidied and the children rip it all apart. I think we just have to try and offer an even balance for ourselves and our children. Jen vent away any time, that is what we are here for.
smiles
janetc
So why can't there be a happy medium with cleanliness. I understand they are kids and kids make messes, but they also need to be taught to respect other peoples hard work. Why does the one who wants it clean have to do a 180. Why can't everyone do a 90 degree turn. Mom can clean and the kids can either keep it clean (to a degree) or clean up after themselves when they are done. DH's mom used to pick up after him consantly and I was left with a 20 year old who wouldn't even pick up his own socks. I really would have appreciated a little training in his early years. Now that he realizes it is important to me he helps me clean and helps keep his messes picked up (10 years later). I also will allow the cups to build up on the nighttable for 2 days before I go ballistic, so I am making strides as well. I think it is a very nice thing jenjen is doing for her future daughter in laws.
Venting can be one of the best things we do. "I'm so mad I could blah blah blan, I'm going to tell so and so blah blah blah." Psych 101 -(At least when I took my initial Psych course, this is what I learned). Rarely does venting go any farther than your little rant to your mate or friend. We can usually relate and listen to a friend. I don't know anyone that has such guilt free existence that they don't want to communicate with someone else. These may be momentary feelings but if you keep them all bottled in the situation can get worse.
Who knows what feellings are in a house when these bad days happen. Jenjen is no different than most other mothers and we know she loves her kids. Gads, think about the mother in Mel's apartment who has an abusive husband and/or boyfriend. Sorry this whole thing has been blown out of proportion by one vicious person ( I reread some of her other posts and they tended to be negative too - she doesn't return things, just asks the stores if she can take them home on trial - not from Zellers, etc, you don't, so I guess we don't shop in the same quality of stores as she does). Jenjen was having a bad day and needed to vent, big deal, and was attacked for it. I've yet to find a perfect mom or dad.
You can choose to read or not. If this site isn't for you, go elsewhere. Sometimes a new member may be misunderstood. No doubt here. If she doesn't like the way this site has evolved, too bad. I've been in other sites that I don't care for - too bad for me, I don't return. There is something for everyone so just because it isn't for you, pleae just leave quietly too. .
Of course you should vent on here VENT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't let some bitter crusty person stop you/us from the chat we all love, kids are a part of our life and sometimes you can't call a gf or a family member sometimes this is the only place that will do just to let it all out.
well i know that kids are kids...and kids make messes..but today this was beyond a mess...it was unreal and by far the worst they have ever done...and i will admit that i am the type of person that is always thinking...OMG if someone were to walk in my house right now i would be embarrased...my dusting habits are more cuz of ds#2's asthma..and so is the reason i change his sheets every 2 days...i don't know why i freaked out today...it's not the first time they've made a mess...but it just got to me...i don't know why it just did...my children are far from perfect and innocent ...but i do think back to when i was a kid...my mother was never a clean freak..but our house was always clean...and anyone could walk in the door at any moment and nothing was out of place...where i get my cleaning habits from i don't know cuz my mother is nothing like me...or i'm nothing like her..i try to ''leave for another day'' but i can't...lots of times i have walked past something and said ''forget it i'm not picking it up''...but i can only see it laying there for so long before it drives me nuts...i realize that i create my own havoc and stress...but it's who i am and how i will always be...sorry to have created all this mess today...it wasn't my intent...i just need to vent and i guess i shouldn't have done it here
Oh, I can help you out, trynto -- I've become quite comfortable living in a house filled with furballs and dust and fluff!!!! I wish we had more time to clean and that my hubby and I were more tidy -- but, this is how we are and neither of us stresses out too much about not living in a perfect house. Of course, every time we have people over, it's a mad rush to get everything cleaned all at once!!
Hmmmmm..... maybe it's about time to get rid of this pile of old catalogues that's been sitting on the floor beside me since Saturday!!
DBD.
OMG...you are kinda describing me.....yikes......i think I am this way because it is my way of controlling something....i have given up my career and now stay home with the kids and it is important for me to have everything in order...although excessive I admit...and I really thought I would relax at this old house allowing myself to leave some clutter since it is no longer a show home per say......I feel bad that I may be causing some stress on my kids because of this...thank you for opening my eyes......but I am not sure I will or could change...( losing control would be hard) :D ....anyways thanks for reminding me to let it go once in a while....i know I tell others to do that ...if only I could myself..... :D
Well I get that it might be OCD or something and that it can cause anxiety. I guess after living with it, my question is still, is it worth it when it upsets everyone including the person who has the problem? Why would anyone think it's acceptable rather than seeking some help? At least now such things can be diagnosed and hopefully treated in someway if with nothing else than behaviour therapy.
I can tell you that as the child in such a household it's only now I realize it was not up to me to try and keep a mother with a problem happy. I soon learned it wasn't possible anyway but as a child all you learn is you are incompetent and a pain as the house can't possibly be clean with you around. Here it was her problem and she put it on all of us. It effected all of us. it also meant the second we were old enough we were not at home except to eat and sleep. It wasn't comfortable to be at home with that kind of anxiety and pressure put on us. To me, when I grew up home was not a place someone could relax and I watched my mom get worse and worse as the years went on until in her 70's she got to a point where she didn't want anyone in her house for fear they would mess it up.
It's not that I don't understand what happens as much as I don't understand why some people think it's acceptable to go to what I consider unreasonable measures. Anything that upsets someone (or a family in general) regularly that is so unimportant as being tidy (which as I mentioned will still be there tomorrow needing to be taken care of, it's like trying to catch water in your hands), well it should be seriously looked at. In my mind there is no way on earth tidy comes before happy, comfortable, relatonships. People shouldn't be losing sleep, staying upset all day, or being anxious because of tidy. There is a problem if it's gone that far and it's going to come out later with the rest of the family....maybe you noticed my handle? I freely admit I hate vacuums with a passion, I won't use bleach unless there is no other choice as the smell makes me sick to my stomach, if there is some dust around and I don't have time, tough and I don't care who is coming over. My mom hated coming to my house as she couldn't figure out what happened, afterall I wasn't raised this way. Thing was I was raised to hate what clean and tidy cost.
Normal clean/neat isn't a problem, but when it starts infringing on others or life in general too much, then my little red needle starts pointing to the trouble quadrant. That's why I think people should question if it's normal frustration or something that maybe should be reconsidered as not very important in the great scheme of things.
Really if you are worried to the point of anxious when it comes to your house, you might want to ask yourself if that is what you want you life and relationships to be measured by. I could go on forever with examples of times my mom chose cleaning over people. She was pretty lonely at the end.
I'll tell you why the house needs to be clean. Because when it's not I'm not proud of my house and it makes me feel anxious inside like I need to get up and clean. What about the ones who need cleanliness in their house. They can only relax when it is clean. I think it is a form of OCD to be quite honest with you and dbd I really do wish I wasn't like that either because I know sometimes I make dh's head spin. I'm with jenjen on this one and totally understand.
Well look what happens when you miss a few hours.
Jenjen, I'm going to chime in as the former kid of a clean freak (because I think you pretty much admitted being one of those or a borderline one of those). You can see if it applies to you or not, but I'll mention it in case it does.
My mom used to have her daily, as per usual, never ending, complaints that my brother and I (and my dad although he wasn't as bad as us kids of course) left trails, made messes, wrecked the house, yadda, yadda, yadda. She could never have a nice house, what would people say if they saw this, all she did was clean and tidy, no one ever helped, if you're going to clean you could clean right, why can't you put it away where you found it, too bad if you're not done this place needs tidying....
You know what? We didn't have to do anything. All we had to do was wait. We were never fast enough anyway, didn't do it right, whatever, it boiled down to she would do it. She would be pissed off, but she would be anyway, so we'd just wait.
Now I am sure she would tell you she let us play and make our messes without much fuss, and sometimes I remember that happening. More often than not, it was only to a certain point though or maybe a certain amount of time before she'd start to snap and couldn't take it anymore. You can bet from minute 1 of us playing the 'oh you kids are making a mess' would start.
Typically it was something as stupid as finishing a cup of coffee or whatever while watching TV. As soon as she sensed that cup was empty she thought it should be in the kitchen (washed). If we said we'd take care of it next commercial, well not good enough so she'd nag and the more she nagged the less likely we were to do whatever it was. Finally she'd get up and take it to the kitchen b****ing about how she always had to do everything when all it would have taken was for her to be quiet and wait until the next commercial.
To me, it was her own impatience and standards of cleanliness that caused her problems. 99% of the time it wasn't important, it could have waited, it didn't need to be done perfectly. She also wore herself out, inhaled way to many chemicals from cleaning (she had chronic lung problems in later years), and the rest of us rarely felt like we could relax at home.
So I guess you have to pick the hill you want to die on. My mom chose cleanliness and to this day I can't think of a bigger waste of time because if ever there was a never ending story it's cleaning. Once it goes over the line to getting everyone upset I think you have to stand back and ask why it's that important. Was it so important that it was worth pretty much ruining your day over (and maybe the boys too)?
Oh my...you guys...lol. Thanks Jeep..although I do have friends and family here in Alberta, I enjoy chatting to you guys. Its nice to hear how others have reacted when faced with similar situations.
As for Kate..good riddance to bad rubbish.
Kate.....
If You Don't Want To Read About Mice Poop Under The General Forum...than Don't...........that's Why There Are Different Categories..........................duh!.........................................but Hey If You Ever Have Any Mice Problems In Your House....maybe You Should Re-read My Posts...it May Help You Someday...................good Luck With Your Life ....that Is One Big Chip You Are Carrying On Your Shoulder.............................see Ya
When KateH said "do you not have any real friends" she doesn't know anyone here and maybe some people here are lonely. We have talked with Mel after her move and who knows maybe she doesn't have anyone close to talk with now. I know myself that I found alot of nice friends here when we first moved and I didn't have anyone close to talk to. Maybe we do share alot but it helps to understand people when they are asking questions. I feel sorry for KateH that something like this would send her into such an awful place and I feel very strongly about the group we have here and all the new coming on board and hate it when someone with only trouble in mind pipes up and gets everyone upset.
When My DD was little, she wouldn't pick up after her self so I took away almost all her toys, I had always said if you don't pick them up I will throw them all out, she didn't belive me until that day I came in with the big green gargbage bag...LOL I kept the toys and gave them back .... but not until I made her sweat it out abit. Now she picks up her toys... well most of the time....LOL
Hey jenjen
I have a 17 year old son who is just as lazy as they come and if I wasn't on his case most of the time, he wouldn't keep his room tidy either! I'm not sure if this will work for you but here's how I handle the tidy issues. 1. When his buddies stay overnite, I insist that they all tidy the room before they leave. 2. At other times I tell him to keep it neat or I will not give him anymore spending money when he needs it. 3. Last but not least at times I will go in and tidy up whether he's there or not, although I don't snoop, just pick up. That last one works like a charm. He doesn't like Mother being in his room, so he keeps it reasonably neat and tidy.
Anyway these work for me and I wish you the best of luck with your situation.
mickeydee :)
as mothers we do lose our patients, i can remember a time when i would constantly tell our girls to put away thier back packs after school. I was so fed up and i threatened them, " if you dont i will throw them over the balcony onto the front lawn" this may sound outrageous or even childesh............once again they didnt listen and out the door the back packs went.......worked for a while but im still telling them. Kids, gotta love them........... :D anyone else care to share a horrible mommy story, like mine, where i acted worse than my children. ;)
smiles
janetc
as you can see im not the best writer these days, but what you said, was said very well. Thank you Mrs Modern for your kind words!
Lobotome........im glad you feel welcomed and thank you for your kind words.... i feel confident enough to speak for the others, that we do welcome any new members....the more the merrier.........i wish i had this site when our girls were little.........yes i can pick up a phone but sometimes I just prefer to come in here, shut my door and its so peaceful to just sit and chat away to all my fake friends on here. :) The internet world has opened a whole new door for many people and i personally think it is amazing to correspond with people from all over Canada or the world for that matter.
So to any members who lurk, come in and join us, honestly we are not mean spirited folks.........we support and offer advice to one another and that is what this place is really all about. :)
smiles
janetc
Well I guess I can chime in here as I'm a new-ish member. I've been made to feel VERY welcome here, so heck why are the new members complaining? I'm not one to "divulge my extremely personal life" to "fake" friends on line, yet, these fake friends have made me feel like a part of the forum family.
Thank you my dear fake friends (because everyone knows that those who are behind these computers are not real people) for making me feel welcome here :D
As for the way we raise our kids... yeah some of us have lost the instructions that came with them, but we're doing the best we can with what we have :biglol: Some of us need to come online to talk with these fake moms and find out if they have a part of the instructions that we might be missing. Heck, I wish I'd had more forums such as this while I was raising younger kids.... the insight from people from all over the world seems to help us mom's either put something into perspective, or give us new ideas. My kids would have been much happier I think.
I think you handled the "mess" quite well Jen, Personal accountability is something taught and I think that teaches the consequence of not wanting to clean up.