I thought I'd start new thread on something was starting to be discussed in janetc's thread about who was done their Christmas shopping.
I don't know about most of you, but I LOATHE Christmas. To me, it's evolved into the worst holiday of the year. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a little bit of holiday decorating, making cookies with the kids and above all spending time with my family. It's the only time of year my husband takes a day or two off, so that's precious to me.
What I hate with a passion, is what Monday mentioned in the other thread, the Obligated Gift Giving that occurs in every realm of our lives. My family has opted out of gift giving among siblings and their offspring, because let's face it, how many toys do your kids need?? The enormous load of gifts from 9 or 10 relatives per person in your family is just too much. And when you get all of that, how can you truly appreciate what you've been given, when most of the time you can't even keep track of who gave it to you. We don't even visit family during Christmas, we go a few days later. By then all the madness subsides and people are ready to really visit, and not be distracted by the overwhelming piles of wrapping paper, boxes and worry/guilt that your gift giving wasn't up to snuff.
Then there's the strange gift giving: the present for the mailman, milkman and the paperboy. Odds are you don't even know their names. Why do you need to buy them a gift? For doing their paid job? Well.... let me tell you, they may just be a little overwhelmed with 47 boxes of chocolates from all of their customers. How about TELLING them you appreciate them instead? Or is the reason you don't do that is because you're too embarrassed that you don't know what to say to them.
I know my opinion on this situation won't exactly be popular, but still, can you imagine how relaxing Christmas would be if the gift giving was eliminated? It'd be like a Snowy Thanksgiving instead. And really, what's so bad about that?
just my thoughts on the matter... I'd like to hear yours.
kipper
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NO - IT ISN'T possible. The Salvation Army or Goodwill would NEVER do that. They are terrific organizations that would never do anything to hurt anyone. I used the example to illustrate why they don't. I think most of the used clothes end up in their stores, don't they?
Thirty years ago I worked at a car dealership that ordered rags from the Goodwill, or some other charity. When the rags arrived all of the mechanics went through them looking for good stuff for their kids and themselves. I think it was the salvation army, but I'm not sure. Anyway, they made more money selling the clothes as rags than trying to distribute them. In this case the used clothes were really appreciated by the mechanics (who could afford to buy new clothes). It's different when you wear used clothes by choice, rather than necessity.
However, I understood that they give away items to the very needy and for those slightly less desperate, sell the items for a song. I throw away things that are not in good enough shape for my own family, assuming that if I don't want them, no one else does. However, we still have things we don't need because we have replaced it, the kids have grown out if it, etc... which are in very good condition. I give those to charity and throw away the rest.
Perhaps it is hard to assess what someone else may want - when I last moved, one of the moving guys asked me if he could have some old chairs, a little old table and some toys I had earmarked for the garbage. I gave him those and a tip too, of course.
I do hate to hear that people burden charities with trash. That is a little like stealing the charity's resources which ought to be directed to those in need.
I wonder if the Salvation Army in the business of packing up donations and giving them away at Christmas. That was not my understanding. Is the scenario you describe, midcenturymadam, even possible?
If you want to donate an item to Goodwill you should ask yourself will they
be able to sell it, or would someone want to BUY it? If so, then your donation will be a good thing.
But if the standard is, is this better than nothing, then you should reconsider giving it.
If you have NOTHING, and the salvation army brings you a package for your children for Xmas wouldn't it break your heart all over again to see the
look on your child's face when he realizes his toy is USED. What message does that send to the child.
On the other hand, if the salvation army arrived with a NEW toy for your child, wouldn't this tell you and your child that someone really cared?
We all tend to overrate our used goods because we bought them. But if they were really all that great why would we get rid of them. (didn't George Carlin do a routine about MY stuff and YOUR junk?)
Elise you are so right. I love Christmas even the shopping and the busy malls. Maybe it is because I'm now in a wheelchair and can't do much. My son and I share a house and he looks out for me. He or a friend take me out to shop but it isn't the same. WE have my son's famiy to share dinner with and I'm so grateful forn their love and helpfulness. Christmas isn't the same but it is still beeautiful to me. I also have four ladies who call ourselves the Lunch Bunch, we've deen togeher for twenty seven years and they come to me every year now for our Christmas Lunch bringing the lunch with them and what a feast it is, they help my son set the table and they clean up everything before they leave, which is six or seven hours later. Gifts are small and only one or two things usually home made such as jams, antipasto, or fancy crackers. How could anyone have a better Christmas.
Zella
Charities are overrun with items that are of no use. They are not a disposal service. They are only able to take what they can sell or reuse.
here's an article from the CBC about the Sally Ann's problem of having to deal with the disposal of "donations" that are broken, old or just plain garbage.
[url]http://www.cbc.ca/ns/story/sallyann20051114.html[/url]
Allow me to apologize for stepping on you yesterday.
I couldn't agree with you more.
And if Dreamy gets invited, I get to sit NEXT to you!!
DBD I have experienced the same reaction as you have. I had to clear out my inlaws home a few years back and ended up calling 3 charities to get rid of some of the contents.
I am talking perfectly good sofa and 2 chairs...recently recovered. Lamps, tables, small appliances. All manner of linens. Some guys came in and took a look and told me the stuff was too old outdated and they could not sell it. I mean a good sofa in an old style and 2 chairs they did not want as they did not have the space. The funny thing is I ended up taking some things out of desperation to get it out of the house and selling them privatly. A 1940's walnut tea wagon fetched $575. I could not see the rationale myself. I did finally find out about little known French charity from a friend and thank goodness they took the rest and they were very grateful to have it. They also took the winter coats and boots.
As for charitable donations I buy gift cards to the local grocery store (no beer, wine or cigs) and donate them to a local group where I live who distibute to the less fortunate right here.
While clearing out this house last month I have to say I was very surprised at the charities I called. I really thought the one that deals with the woman in shelters (battered women) would be open to a lot of household goods (they say they are). They gave me a list...no toys (apparently they have a warehouse full and have to throw them out to make room....now I ask you why aren't those toys passed on?), no out of date furniture (excuse me...but if you are thinking you are getting my new stuff you are nuts and completely out of line IMO.. a lamp is a lamp when you don't have one or the means to buy one), no this no that. I'm afraid I was left with a rather bad taste in my mouth especially when the guys on the pick up truck gave me some attitude because so many people had been 'giving' they didn't have a lot of room left (and this is a problem and they keep asking for donations... I don't get it).
They actually went around and said they wouldn't take this or that and what was funny is it wasn't the stuff I was offering anyway as it was antiques that are going to an auction. Goofs! with no business putting their own value on things as I see it.
Anyway, I guess I found the whole experience rather disheartening as so many charities are so darned picky. They only want new, unopened, or cash and I understand that but they put me off when refusing perfectly good and useful things which anyone in a situation requiring help should appreciate.
So I think you have to find your own comfort level with how you give. When it comes to toys and such I love giving to the firedept. Here they have a big deal where they hand them outto the needy. where I used to work, we used to do the office gift thing but buy for the person we got thinking of what they would like as a kid. We'd get to play with the toys all day (boy that got interesting) Then those things were packaged back up and were taken to the firedept.
let's just say there can never be enough wine or clever quips!
so I guess the answer is yes..........I'm not afraid.
Should I bring Elise as well as the wine, or are you afraid she will toss around objects in addition to clever quips?
Elise...........
so good to see your name........and to read your comments......
how's the decorating going?........you always seemed to have something going on........hope you had a great summer..........
Dreamer, you are going to be busy .......so many dinners.....
I assume the coffee you will be drinking with Elise will be after the wine you've promised to bring here...............
I know that I would have a wonderful time ducking slippers and laughing at your table, and I would be as glad to be there for KFC on paper plates as I would for a gourmet Greek feast served on authentic pottery. In fact, if I were honoured enough to be invited to your home, I would gladly bring the KFC, or a couple cups of take-out coffee, or whatever you were willing to share with me. You are entirely right, as always: everything else is a mere backdrop to the goodwill among the people present.
Elise, you are not a goddess, you are The Goddess.
This post also applies to the unrequited hosting thread!!!!
I have been following this thread very closely and I have to say I feel very sorry for some of you. Whether it be Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, or your dog's birthday, it is not about fancy napkins, matching the china to the goblets, or the perfect centerpiece. It is NOT about presentation. It is all about the people assembled around your table and what they mean to you. If any of you have failed to realize this then friendship can never be a guest in your homes.
I encourage you to open your homes and open your hearts to your families and friends. And when they are seated around your table raise a toast to their health, for as sure as there are beautiful napkins at Bowerings, one day they will not be there, and you will have all the time in the world to pick your noses in solitude!!!!
Merry Christmas to all of you!!!
since I consider myself a Christian, I work really hard to remember what Christmas is REALLY about. Our family has never given a lot of gifts and I'm amazed people do this. Even at $20 per gift x maybe 10 people, that's $200 towards gifts in just one month. So, to say the least, I don't expect a lot of gifts at Christmast time and neither do my kids. Nor do my friends or anyone else I know as a matter of fact. Everyone is one a budget and this is an unncecessary expense. I guess it just depends on your own social environment. In my family the biggest thing is the food and the gathering of family, whoever is in town. Its a great time off work and just to visit and hang out with people.
My only pet peeve about the Christimas season is this whole serge of benevolence that seems to happen at Christmas and only at Christmas. It's great that it's happening at all, but my only wish is that the same love and caring we show for others at Christmas we would show all year round. If you are going to donate or adopt a family or whatever, do it all year round not just from Dec 1 - 25. Many of those who are in need are forgotten during the rest of the year.
last year around xmas i took 4 boxes of clothing...that ranged from newborn to toddler to the daycare in my town...they told me that they didn't keep clothing at the daycare cuz they encouraged the parents to supply extra clothes...what did they do with the stuff?...they laid all the clothes on two large tables and told the parents to take whatever the wanted...for free
imposed by the charitable organizations, for example, Santa's Anonymous, that the toys donated be new. We always buy things for our Santa's Anonymous donations. However, I have given used toys and books to the Salvation Army many times - things which are clean and complete and in very good condition only, of course. We also give the Salvation Army the nice clothes that my children grow out of when they were barely worn. It seems very wasteful to throw away nice, hardly-used things. I can't see myself holding a garage sale. What else are you going to do with them but give them to a charitable organization and hope they are distributed to people who will use and enjoy them?
[QUOTE=midcenturymadam]I would like to challenge anyone who thinks that giving their old toys to "needy children" will result in a wonderful Christmas for these children -
I did give my kids used toys last year! And they quite enjoyed them. AND we do buy new toys, books,crayons, etc to put in each of the shoeboxes that my children take to school for the shoebox drive. We also have bought new toys for the shoeboxes, on behalf of my grandmother.
I would like to challenge anyone who thinks that giving their old toys to "needy children" will result in a wonderful Christmas for these children -
You should try to give your own children a wonderful Christmas this year with old used toys?
Take some of the money that you were going to spend on new toys for your children, and donate this (or a NEW toy) to a charity. That will be a gift. "Giving" old toys is not giving; it is free garbage removal. Why not keep this reminder of how much money you are wasting on toys that your children don't want or need.
Children under three are not materialistic at Christmas. They learn it from their parents (who then try to "unteach" it).
Dreamer...did you get your wings now?...very well said...i love xmas...but like i said after losing both my grandmothers this year...xmas is not going to be celebrated...breaks my heart but it is my parents wishes...i love getting together with everyone for xmas...laughing, drinking, shooting the s**t...and just hanging out...it's funny i usually don't start any decorating till after the Santa Claus parade...but i have found myself looking at the decorations in the stores already...DH made me laugh yesterday...we were at Superstore..and i stopped to look at a 9' garland with pine cones ...and he walked back to me and said...
''what are you doing, you know you're not supposed to buy that stuff with me around. you're supposed to buy them and said ''oh hunny i've had that for years!!''...i laughed out loud in the store...gee ya think he knows my secret?... :D
think that can be a big part of some folks unhappiness at xmas, is memories....from losing loved ones or other reasons....i find that truly sad...my dearest grandma passed 2 days before xmas, and until this day i think of her each year at that time, however i have gone on to celebrate but still remember her and our special times together at xmas...... but those painful happenings take time
smiles
janetc
Well, said Dreamer. I must admit, I do not love the Christmas season as it has reminders of a very stressful time in my life. About 10 years ago, my husband was diagnosed with a serious heart condition and we were told his chances were grim. We were told he would need a heart transplant...meanwhile I had a 6 and 1 year old to hold all the Christmas tradition for. I used to LOVE christmas. As the years go by, I am learning Christmas should be a time when I should celebrate because my husband is doing great 10 years later. I think Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate should be about appreciating what we have, not what we don't.
wow!...it is really stunning! so much nicer than the store bought ones esp. knowing that thier grandmother made it. what a great keepsake, i wish i had the forethought to hang on to some as i know my dd's would have loved to have dressed thier dolls too.
thanks for sharing:D
I have been sitting here contemplating our Christmas this year. It is my opportunity to give to my family. I am hosting our family Christmas this year as I did two years ago. I am so looking forward to filling my home with their noise, their love, and I will enjoy the feeling long after they leave. Putting out for others is a gift. I am glad to be able to do it in the fashion I am able. We don't spend $000000 on Christmas.
We have a simple meal, a few treats and some great times sharing a Christmas gift exchange game. We bring a gift- we get a gift. The game begins with a number system. The first number chooses a gift, opens it and no. 2 chooses a new git or the first gift - hence the exchange and fun goes on until the last gift is chosen and opened. With 15 adults - it is a lot of fun. The little children get individual gifts and dont play the game until they are in high school.
We all put a small gift in a stocking for each other and that is how we finish our evening. - with our stockings.
My family does not visit us through the year, so having them at our place is a treasure. My brother, who lives an hour away, came in the summer this year for an hour visit on his way through and was surprised we had a pool and how nice our yard was. We have lived here 4-1/2 years. We visit him on a regular basis in the summer at the lake.
Thank you Dreamer for your post.:)
Whoever said Christmas was about the more presents the marrier? Whoever falls for that, might want to re-think they're own social code. Christmas is about enjoying time with family and friends - especially the ones you don't get to see very often.
I think those who trudge through the snow to give us our mail or serve our gorging selves at restaurants perhaps might deserve an extra smile or an extra dollar at Christmas, not everyone is made of money and reaching out to those who surrond us every day is not exactly the most selfish thing to do.
I couldn't agree more, Dreamer. I love Christmas, too. I love taking the time to have special moments with the people I love.
Lore
I still have a few of the dresses my mother made! My daughter played with them too. Here is a picture of my daughter's favourite Barbie in my favourite of the dresses made by my mom - does it look a little familiar?
your version and tradition of xmas sound just right and even though the kids are getting older they have been impressed with these traditions and will no doubt carry them on with thier own children one day.
oh and i also recall my mom sewing barbie's clothes! thanks for reminding me..