So my friend just emailed me her list for her baby shower. There is 50 ladies on it. My house isn't going to fit 50 ladies.. Maybe 25 - 30 but not 50! Do you think it would be too much to ask if she help pay for the hall rental? I looked into the community rental by my house which we are a member of and it is going to cost us $500/ DD and $50/ hour.
Do you think it would be rude to ask for her to chip in for that? Now, saying this and we ask her she might reduce her list to 30 and then there won't be a problem....
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Hi Oreokitty,
I am having a baby shower this weekend and I am helping out with 1/3 of the expenses. There will be 70 guests at Edwards gardens and I just can't think of my mom and my mother-in-law paying for everything.... it's just way too much so I offered to help out.....
It's not a problem to ask for other people to chip in when it comes to throwing a shower. Are there any other friends or family members of the monther-to-be that you can ask to help out rather than going to her directly?
Our son just was married in March and they went for a small wedding. It was so beautiful and each person there knew they were very special to son and his wife as they only invited 2 friends each and parents and sibs. My Dad came and he said he has never seen a bride and groom enjoy themselves so much as they were so relaxed and able to spend time with everyone there. They had everything that you have a a big wedding but just smaller and more personal. Also DS#1 cancelled his engagement this last year and a good part of the problem there was the wedding. Her family was planning things DS was just not feeling good about and they weren't taking his feeling into it at all. They had plans on a $50K plus wedding and he thought it was silly to spend so much. He was felling like the token Groom and it was more about the wedding than the fact that they were getting married so he pulled out of it.
oreokitty, no way!! When we were going around with that little computer thingy to register at The Bay, my hubby wandered off to the food section and put Dino-Sours and lemon wafer cookies on our registry!!!! I thought we were the only one who would do something goofy like that!! :D
We had a small wedding almost three years ago. It was perfect! We had a budget of $7,000 and we get compliments all the time how great our wedding was. I think that our most extravegant thing we registared for was jubjubes LOL! We just wanted people there because we loved them not because we wanted gifts.
I think weddings aren't always what the bride and groom want now-a-days.. Parents play a HUGE part in what happens and who is invited ect.
That is why we didn't give our parents a guest list. We just gave them an invite like everyone esle.
though that culture plays a big part on how weddings are run. I know in my own culture a simple wedding can cost way over $25,000 mark. Guests at a wedding will give the bride and groom about $300.00/per couple and they expect the food to be good because as far as they are concerned "they paid for it". Many people run into debt b/c they feel obligated to attend such weddings as if u received now u must give back. Children are no longer seen at weddings as parents cannot afford to pay for their seating. It has become more of a business and money grabbing instead of celebrating the union of two people.
had an absolutely faultless wedding for their daughter last summer. It was at their house, held in their garden, and fortunately the weather was wonderful. Every detail was personal and special. The invitation said "Garden party attire", which I thought was intelligent -- people needed to know it was going to be outside. There was no cost to attend, and no mention of the value of gifts, either. I called the parents because I didn't know the daughter very well now that she's grown up, and I wanted to get something that she and her new husband would enjoy. The father told me they were registered at Canadian Tire because they both love to camp. So I checked out the on-line register and it was wonderful,e verything was on it from items of $20 to ones around $100. We got them a Coleman stove, and had the sweetest, PERSONAL thank you note afterwards from the young couple. I thought it was a lovely wedding -- the parents didn't go broke putting it on, the guests didn't go broke going to it, and the whole thing was about caring and personalizing the moment, not about digging for money. Too bad more people don't go that route... :rolleyes:
Weddings have become a BILLION dollar industry in Canada, which is fine for me, I am a wedding planner.. But to be honest i cant stand the big cookie cutter weddings. If I have to do one more I might scream, every wedding looks the same, no matter what I try and do, the bride always wants just what the bestfirend had or she saw in a mag... I watch brides and grooms who are totaly just in it for the money and honest it seems like they cant even stand each other by the time the wedding comes around ...
What is the decision regarding the shower ? We are hanging on here waiting to here the solution that was decided. :)
Ugh, I hate weddings and showers as much as Christmas. I honestly don't understand why, on such an important, intimate, personal occassion would you want 200 people present to " share" your moment.
Last year I recieved a wedding invitation from a cousin I spoke to once when she was 3. I mean, I wouldn't even be able to pick her out of line-up. If we passed on the street, I'd walk on by because I honestly don't even know who she is. Yet somehow it's important that I be a part of her special moment beginning her life with her new husband.
Can you guess that I didn't attend? Ridiculous. All of it. Throwing a party you expect your guests to pay for, dictating their gift requirement and attire. Can't people see that this is inherently WRONG????
And explain to me why, in this day and age of adult children living with parents until they're 30, couples having dual incomes and some having lived together for years, is it necessary to throw them a shower on top of having each guest essentially pay for their wedding???? These couples have far more disposible income than couples from our parents era. Was it the norm to demand each guest pay 250-500 dollars for the honour of attending?
I honestly feel that greed is the underlying thought behind every detail planned in these big weddings. It must be incredibly stressful to pull off an event like this. Why put yourself through that? So you can have all your home furnishings paid for by your guests? How rude. How rude and assuming.
I kind of wish everyone would turn down invitations to these gigantic weddings, leaving the couple with only their parents and immediate family and very closest friends to attend. Maybe then brides and grooms will wake up and see that the people who are most IMPORTANT and the ones that are there. And at the wedding,the looks on their loved ones' faces are ones of happiness and pride; not a sea of vaguely recognizable faces staring back with looks of contempt.
From reading these posts, those that have contributed seem pretty preturbed to me about this wedding nonsense. And believe me, I feel for you.
I read all the posts on this thread and OMG I'm so with you. This only concludes that people are getting greedier by the minute.
I don't understand why people getting married have to spend so much on their food for the wedding, and expect people to pay for the plate and tack on some extra cash :mad: First of all, I don't eat that much and I'm not going to pay for the pigs attending the wedding where they will be stuffing themselves and drinking excessively. I just give what I can afford and that's it....wouldn't care less if you didn't invite for your next affair :p
A friend of mine just told me that she has numerous wedding and showers to attend to this summer and she said that now one has requested money for the shower and she was disgusted. I said to her just don't go, problem solved.
My wedding was small and intimate and I had no shower given to me and we had a fantastic wedding, no headaches or hassles. ;)
Went out with the girfriends this past weekend. I ask the mother of the bride if the wedding was "black tie". She didn't get it at first (everyone else was all ears) By "black tie", I meant the guests etc which normally it means. (ie. gowns). She said no but the bridal party will be. Then she added it was a "gala affair". Therefore this meant in her mind no black tie for men but the women are to be in full gowns :mad: I was not impressed.
So I need to find a "gown" for this wedding and it can't be something I already have.
I have never heard of a money tree... I need one for my back yard!!!
Our wedding was so casual, we even had some unexpected guests join us, including the driver who drove my grandma from the hospital to the wedding venue and a nurse!! The minister cracked some jokes before and during the ceremony. We didn't have assigned seating at the reception, people were welcome to choose to sit anywhere they wanted. We had a BBQ buffet for dinner, and played fun scavenger hunt games as part of the entertainment. So many guests told us that it was the best wedding they'd ever been to :)
It's not about how much you spend or how extravagant your wedding is or how people are dresssed -- what matters is having the people you care about with you to celebrate your big day!!
As for rules about how much money to give or how much to spend on a gift -- that's ridiculous. You give what you're comfortable giving -- if it's $50, then that's what it is and nobody has the right to complain about it.
I believe the concept behind shower & wedding gifts was to hekp out the new couple, who were most likely starting out with almost nothing. Nowadays, lots of couples come into marriages with two salaries and two fully-furnished homes -- why do they need expensive gifts??
And the dreaded money tree... basically, it's a tree (or branches made to look like a tree) that you pin envelopes of money. Tacky, if you ask me.
I think that showers and weddings are completly out of control, it seems that more and more people are using them as money grabs. I have to say one of the nicest showers I have thrown was a couples shower for my cousinand her soon to be hubby. We had it in our back yard, it was a BBQ and . We intvited all there freinds (men and women), it was a tools shower, so the presents could be all the tools to make a dish, like salad would be a salad bowl, salad spinner and salad tongs. Or some of the friends brought gifts more suited to te groom, like yard tools, with helpful hints about how to use them. Anways it was a ton of fun and more about spending time with friends and being excited about tem getting married than about money. NOT one person gave money.
If the person is registered then I will spend $100-150 and choose a gift from the registry. If not I give $100-$150 depending on how close the couple are to myself and how many showers I have attended and spent money on there.
I try to be fair.
Yes, I don't like being told I have to wear a gown if it is not specified "black Tie". I am definitely going to ask her if it is or isn't. If it isn't I will buy a party dress for the occasion. I have a stack of gowns in my closet and heaven help me if I were to repeat a gown for this wedding. I am also told I can't wear red or green due to the fact it is a Christmas wedding(?)
So then, what is the price for a bridal shower gift? It's been a long time since I have been to a wedding and they are all about to start up again. What is for one has to be for all when their weddings come.
Some showers around here for Italian, Portugese and Lebanese are extravagant. Mostly furniture, appliances etc. Some have gotten their lots, or houses and sometimes cars. LUCKILY, this shower doesn't fit into these groups! Weddings for these groups here are cash and lots of it $500 +
These things are really getting out of hand to tell you how much you have to spend and dress is to much for me. My niece was married in Vanc. in Feb. and they were having a very fancy wedding and it stated inthe invite that the dress was evening wear and morning suits I nearly died. How many people do you know that have a morning suit. I called my SIL and asked and she said a suit for the men will be fine they just didn't want anyone showing up in a casual shirt and slacks. I always thought it was about having the people you care about there not what they wear. My DS's that were married this past year received all sorts of amounts of cash gifts ranging from $50.00 to $500.00 but mostly in the $100.00- $150.00 range and I think that is about what I would spend on a gift if I were to buy one.
$250!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't think so! OMG! I know for our wedding the BEST gift we got was a gift card to Safeway. We got alot of great gifts don't get me wrong but that gift card was the BEST!!! I honestly don't even remember the amount. But that is what we have been giving to our family and friends weddings and showers. As for the gown... I would go to a consignment shop and get one... Or what size do you take? I have a few BM dresses in my closet that you can wear.
OMG! That poor mother!
Jeep --- WOW what a story! It must have been devastating.
Money Trees - Haven't heard of that one. Is it for bridal and baby shower?
Here's a question - My dear friends daughter is getting married in Dec. I am told that the minimum amount of money gift for wedding is $250. Is that the norm? Also told, our group of friends, that at her shower which we are invited that they would like cash to decorate their place. They already have it furnished and painted. I have asked several times if she is registered and the mom says yes but they would really like cash :confused:
Attire for the wedding is full gown for all guests (is this the norm right now) I am going to ask her this weekend if it is going to say black tie on the invitations. If it doesn't then I would think full gown is not required (wouldn't you think?) I am already sweating over what to wear....I am tired of buying gowns!!!!!!!!!
This is an case of to many people asking to be invited. I lived in a fairly small town and one of the women had twins that were totally unexpected back in the days before ultrasound. Well everyone in town was so excited about and kept coming up to my friend and the Mothers SIL and asked it there was a shower could they come. There were so many requests that they decided to hold it in a hall and went to a far amount of expense to put this huge shower on. Well it was a surprise shower for the Mother and the hall was set for about 100 people that had asked to come.Well only about 15 people showed up and it was one of the most embarassing moments in anyones life. The poor Mother walks in and sees everything set up for all these people and no one there. I felt so bad for everyone that had worked on it and I will never have a shower that doesn't just include very close friends and family.
I guess I am just dissappointed. I had all these great ideas and feels like my spirit has been broken because of all the discouragement I am getting from the Mother-to-be.
I am still going to do it because she is my good friend but... I think I am going to put as much effort into it as she would for mine. (when the time comes..)
Amen to the last 2 post :laugh:
She stated to you she prefers the shower at her home, so let it be there. It is not your problem if her home is small and has less seating.
It does sound like a $$$ grab...... and oh how I hate those showers. If I am told I am expected to contibute a designated amount of cash to a money tree I gracefully bow out of the invite. I do not mind splitting the cost of a gift, within reason of my budget with a group of people. If they ask for too much I bow out of that too.
What happened to showers with friends who bring their own gifts of their choosing? If you know the person you would know what she would like, need or enjoy in a gift. A spa treatment for a new Mom is a nice gift split between a few friends and does not cost any one person a fortune.
I have learned over the years not to attend showers for people I hardly know or showers who ask for large cash donations. Good luck as this has put you in an awkward position. But stand firm on your beliefs and what you can and cannot afford. :)
It makes perfect sense, oreokitty. Showers seem to have turned into nothing more than gift & money grabs -- so the more people invited, the more gifts & money for the guest of honour. I organized a bridal shower a few years ago that was hell. I was told I had to invite people to the shower who weren't even invited to the wedding -- apparently, they would have been insulted if they weren't invited to the shower. Huh?!??! And the groom-to-be kept e-mailing me gift suggestions, and went so far as to tell me what group gift the shower attendees could buy. And this is a couple that lives in a +500,000 house and probably has a million bucks tucked away for a rainy day.
The mother of this bride also had a shower for her -- she invited women that the bride-to-be didn't even know, and put a note in the invitations that there was going to be a money tree at the shower.
Greedy, greedy, GREEDY.
I totally sympathize with you and the situation that you're in. I'd be very tempted to just tell this woman that she can oragnize her own shower and have it at her own house, and that you want nothing to do with it!!
I spoke with her last night... She is going to reduce the list. I hate mothers/ brides that want to take control of their own showers.. Takes more work than what it is worth! I honestly feel like throwing up my hands and telling everyone to do it themselves. Heck, I don't want to clean my house, fork out money for food to entertain people I don't know. Find a place for my dog to go for the afternoon...
From what I got from our conversation last night is that she doesn't even want it at my house. Not sure why? She would much rather have it at her house but her house is 1/2 the size of mine and there is no seating! I have done two showers at my house last year and confrotable fitted 30 people.
I don't know girls... I am just frustrated and needed to let it out. This post probably makes no sense at all sorry...
If she was asked to produce a list of her freinds she may also have been told to make it a big one. So it could be a communication thing.
Meanwhile, assume the best but call her and let her know your max and that you need to know who that would include from her list. As mentioned before, there is nothing to preclude her from grouping people who could have another shower for her (work folks, family members, etc).
She may be working under some information you haven't been aware of. I know of a bride who wanted things one way, her MIL-to-be had completely different ideas and she was getting what she wanted regardless. It was too bad as the bride had nothing to do with some of the stupid things that came up. So you may have a similar type situation going on and are just going to have to go with your original plans and let them know the perameters/limitations I think.
:hairpull: I am totally shocked that your girlfriend would drop a list on you like that! Normally, an aunt or sister would arrange the Family/relative shower, Co-workers would plan their own shower, and then that would leave a Girlfriend shower. Nowadays everyone understands just how much work it is to put on a party since most people work outside the home. Everyone chips in and does a pot luck thing. In this way, the hostess, has time to clean her house and get ready, You only end up having to make a nice punch, some wine and perhaps the cake and an appetizer. I really don't think anyone feels put out having to make something. Afterall, everyone understands just how much work and effort it takes to organize a party.
I would be upfront and tell your friend that you can only accomodate a max. of 20 people. Honestly, your girlfriend won't be able to really visit with anyone if you end up having !! :eek: 5 0 !! people over. That's ridiiculous!
wow that makes things really difficult :confused: my showers were always planned without me knowing or my family gave the list...i would feel too guilty if i knew someone was having to fork out this kind of money for a shower for me. I think the cost should be divided between some close friends and family members, at least that is the way we have always done it.
smiles
janetc
Not only is it rude, but what kind of a person expects someone to pick up the tab for a shower for 50 people?
You will have to tell her that you can cater to max. 25-30 people in your home, period. Leave it at that with the ball in her court.
If she wants 50 people to attend then she will have to make other arrangements and it it not your problem.
It will be your problem if you do not explain this to her.
Personally I have never heard of renting a hall for a shower, never mind where all the expenses were expected to be paid for by one person.
Gad $500 could start an education fund for the baby to come.
A friends daughter wanted 25 more people to a sit down wedding dinner, than had been agreed upon with her parents. They told her up front, that it was impossible to extend themselves financially anymore.
She came up with a solution herself that did not include the parents paying out more than they could afford. :confused: