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sssssspider!!!!!!!!

HHassist's picture
HHassist

Well boys and girls, I am sitting here eerily calm with 3 bottles of shampoo poured over my head after I discovered a spider on it. You see dear hearts I am deathly, deathly, afraid of the creepy crawleys and earlier as I was putting away some canned goods in the 4 ft. high cool room, one must have landed on my head!!!!
I felt a movement, brushed my hair, and sure enough it fell on my blouse( sorry, I have to vomit for a minute) Anyway, I beat the living crap out of my left breast, threw the classico against the wall, the wine smashed the window, I crushed the plastic mustard jar, slipped and I think broke my arm on the rolling apples, and clawed the skin off of my husband's face, while simultaneously ripping his right ear off and trying to stuff it up his nose, as he was trying to calm me down!!!! Boo hoo hoo, I think he called for the padded wagon to come take me away!!!!
How will I ever be normal again:(

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Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

....phew!! thanks I needed that. I do need to go to a galaxy far, far away. I think I'll watch my Star Wars movies!!
Well, maybe not, they have aliens that look like spiders there too!!!
I'll just polish my teacups then.

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

....even if you encased the little vermons in acrylic they won't die!!! They'll find a way to get you, they will!!!! The planet is drifting to ultimate spider rule!!!

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

and mail it to me for my DD. She wears one as a pendant, since she can't have one as a pet.

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

Good idea, but I think they laugh at the face of danger and yellow tape, and seek revenge around 3 o'clock in the morning when they slide down your throat!!! Better get a scuba diving suit too!!!!

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

I found my first one today! Perhaps my people spoke to your people?
It was a baby one, but I know it takes only a few days for them to grow to the size of a full-grown man!!! I have sealed off the counter with Do Not Cross tape. This also means no more food, but the counter is now tainted!!!!

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

.....alright, just check your pockets before you come over. I don't want any stowaways!!!!

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

It didn't, have you checked the Louvre, the British Museum, the Vatican museum, The National museum in Athens, all over Iraq, Iran, Egypt,...................one good nude led to another and another and pretty soon they ran out of fig leaves

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

Greeks invented smacking in the back of the head!!! It started way back when some horny kid got smacked by his mother for sculpting guys in the nude!!!

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

I thought Italians had the market cornered on whapping kids on the back of the heads... I have told my children that those silly Supreme Court rulings making rules about spanking and such do not apply to Italians because there is a special dispensation to whack them on the back of the heads...

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

I just don't give a spider's spit what they think!!! They're wall juice in my house!!!

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

Have you looked at the size of you and the size of a spider?? ;) Nohting to be afraid of!!!! Granted, a surprise spider on the head isn't a pleasant thing.... and I have the same reaction to those horrid translucent centipede-type beasts that we had in our old house (some of which got transported to our new house in the move).

I wonder how insects feel when we sneak up on them.... :D

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

....you kept poking it with your spatula, and then kicked it across the floor? And you're still emotionally stable!!! I feel myself slipping into a catatonic state just reading about it!!!
What a woman!!!!

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

....never ever, ever, go down there where there are crouching tigers and dangling spiders without my skuba diving gear!!!! Either that or I'm just going to stack the cans outside the crawl space, open the door and kick them all in!!! Boo hoo hoo!!!!

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

I think you have hit on the perfect solution to elude the old "biting off one's nose to spite their face"...claw off someone else's face! As a tidy type who does not mind spiders, the mess your tale brings to mind would make me wish for DOZENS of SPIDERS, CREEPING ALL OVER ME, ON THE PILLOW, IN THE SHOWER....anything but wine and mustard and blood on the walls...

Have a great day!

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous

You are just tooooo funny! :D Thanks for the laugh! LOL! Hahahahaha!

I am, however, sorry to hear about your brush with the evilness & unholiness that spiders are. ICK!

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