what is your biggest pet peeve with snobby or unfriendly people.....we were out the other day and DD held the door open for numerous people and was actually given dirty looks, she asked me about this as i think she found it to be rude because she was raised to try to be kind and respect others, i explained to her that i think some people could just be in a bad mood that day for good reason, or they are people that are very insecure and it makes them feel better about themselves when they belittle others. I dont believe we do things expecting back in return......but heck im teaching my kids about manners and yet you have all these adults walking around that have not one ounce of manners.
smiles
janetc
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or you're walking behind someone who goes thru a door and lets it smack in your face instead of holding it open for a second for you to grab the door.
Good ridance to that kid and her family.
Don't get me started in kids running in a restaurant that one sends me over the edge. When you tell them to sit down the parents get real mad and I have had them walk out because we wouldn't let their 10 year DD skip with a rope on our dance floor in the dining room. Table manners is #1 with me DS even told his GF once that I wold notice if she used the wrong fork sohe showed which one to use ( she still used it like a lumberjack) but at least it was the right one.
- cell phones - dbd, you're so right about the inane conversations in high volume.
- clerks that say they will call you with the info on something and never get back to you. Even worse if you question them later and they say they called. B.S., I have call display.
- clerks standing around yapping and you can't get any help
- clerks that open up a new till and deliberately get the last person in line
- people that let their children run wild in a store or restaurant. This includes one of our own kids - NFW, not when I'm along.
(I wonder if you can guess I just spent the last hour in a store)
Funny thing about saying thanks when someone holds the door for you. I've read rare comments from men who are insulted when you say thank you because they feel is the only decent thing they should do. I just says thanks or acknowledge it with a smile and nod.
Financial security is sure no indication of good manners. When we travel I always use buses in big cities. The number of people who give up their seats for other people is amazing. Unfortunately many younger people are oblivious to this.
People who walk on a red light and then you can't make a right turn. Or they run red lights.
Carts rarely bug me unless they do require a coin. If Costco suddenly starting charging for carts I might have to seriously reconsider my love of shopping there.
I'm surprised the topic of cell phones hasn't come up :hairpull: . They drive me nuts (or rather the people who have them glued to their ears for every waking moment). Last week when I was shopping it occurred to me that it was really noisy and I looked around...there must have been 10 people all speaking into their phones in much louder voices than they would use talking to someone in person. It was a din of just jabbering, small talk, nothing to do with what they were buying/doing, and all of them were alone in the store creating this big noise. I wish they had to check the things at the door when out in public because it's really getting on my nerves. at least ipods and such are quiet and rarely bother others.
Not long ago there was a woman in Winners roaming around with her phone. She seemed to be on the same route as me and I got to hear about her kid's issues at school, her sisters' health, blah, blah, blah. I switched directions three or four times just to get away from her and you could still hear her blathering on. Those are the times I'd like to be able to hit a remote to kill their phones.
I don't think they realize how noisy they are and how it intrudes on other people. They also slow down when walking just not paying attention (nevermind driving which is all too well known).
They make the smokers go outside, the cell chatterers should do the same and leave the rest of us to get on with things without having to listen to them, move their carts out of the way, ask them to get out of the middle of the isle when they stop to make a point, take their stuff out of our cart because they aren't paying attention, and avoid their swinging arms as they are describing something to whoever they are talking to. I'd be so happy to see those things banned in public since so many people just don't consider anyone else around them when they use them.
Well...thats one of the good things about Superstore...ya gotta pay for your cart. Noone ever leaves them hanging around.
Oh, how could I forget this one -- WHISTLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate, hate, HATE whistling. I hate, hate, HATE when people whistle in public places. Just because you like the sound of your whistling, doesn't mean the rest of us want to hear it!!!! :hairpull: :mad:
And back to the shopping cart thing -- yesterday at Loblaws, I pulled into a spot and there was a cart in an adjoining spot. So, even though I didn't need a cart, I brought it into the store with me. And today at lunch -- I pulled into a spot at Costco and there was a cart at the front of the spot. So I brought it to the cart corral. And when I came out of Costco 10 minutes later, there was ANOTHER cart next to my car. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hairpull: :mad: Friggin' disrespectful, inconsiderate. mean, lazy buttheads!!!!!
I know it's annoying, but I think if people had to pay to get a cart (say a loonie or a toonie), they would be more likely to bring the carts back to where they belong.
Don't you just hate it when a young guy drives up in a sports car and parks in the handicapped spot because he's too lazy to walk a few extra feet? I also hate being in restaurants where you have to flag down your waitress for a second cup of coffee or to get the bill. One day I waited 1/2 an hour in a line-up at Walmart (busy holiday weekend) because there were numerous problems with the orders ahead of me; it was ridiculous but, I didn't want to give up my spot and start all over in another huge line-up; so this man comes bursting in and says....I only have one item, would you mind if I go first, I'm in a hurry. Well, normally, I'm pretty obliging, but, I just told him we had all been waiting for half an hour and no he couldn't cut in. He proceeded to badmouth me to anybody that would listen who came into our line. In this instance, I felt quite justified saying that, and....my husband was waiting in the car for me too!
Grooms that show up at bridal showers
Loud flip flops
moms who drop babies at daycare and leave for work in a 30K car
women who wear overalls
[B]women who wear low-rise jeans and have a muffin top hanging out[/B]
public washrooms
omg i forgot about that one....lol
my pet peeves:
Grooms that show up at bridal showers
Loud flip flops
moms who drop babies at daycare and leave for work in a 30K car
women who wear overalls
women who wear low-rise jeans and have a muffin top hanging out
public washrooms
dustbunny, parents that use the EXCUSE that they dont have time is BS.....it isnt about time its just laziness or they just can be bothered....how much effort or time does it take to make a child say "thank you" I know what it is like being busy with three children, but it was a teaching that should just come natural...not something you have to set aside, like taking them to a soccer game. JMO :)
smiles
janetc
Jenjen, "people that drive in the slow lanes" has me stumped. Why does this one bother you? I thought for sure you'd be in the fast lane so I'm not sure what the issue is.
Also, pet peeve of mine I'm afraid, I have to mention this. Who ever the 'experts' are that say there are more single parent families now hasn't got their facts straight. It's a popular misconception but statistically it's just not correct. There are more children of divorce now and that is only because divorce is now accepted, but not more single parent families. There were actually way more after both WWI and WWII and there have always been a huge population of families abandoned or 'separated' from one parent or widowed due to work related accidents and other illness. They were always there (according to annual stats) just not as visible before. MOst of those women also worked, just at traditional female jobs which kept them in poverty and out of the main stream.
I'm not sure I buy the whole no time thing. To me it's a matter of priorities. Even the busiest parent or person can teach manners or be polite. This isn't something that requires more than a second or two at any given time. Somehow there seems to be more acceptance of rudeness (although not in most work places), no consequences, so some people don't feel the need to make the effort. it's really too bad so much emphasis is seen in the media on in your face interactions instead of those that demonstrate kindness and consideration.
very good points, im glad to see that many feel the way i do about manners.....and what is even more shocking is the fact that it isnt just children....so many adults have no regard for how they treat others....im 44 but old fashion in my teachings with the kids and manners and hopefully they will grow up to treat all people with respect and acceptance. I think there is a few adults in this world that could use a few lessons.....shame on them!
smiles
janetc
I have 2 grandchildren who did not learn please & thank you until they attended Nursery School. The Mom never says thank you to anyone. (Dad does as do the rest of my childrens' children) Then this Mom has worked since the kids were 1 year old and leaves them at daycare on her days off. She is not around much to teach any manners. :rolleyes: or anything else. The kids are allowed to sit in the front of the van with no seat belts.
Big peeve in my family !
Oh, I've got another one -- when I've been waiting in line at the cash for ages, and a new cash finally opens and the person who just walked into the line behind me runs over to the newly opened cash :mad:
I'm one of those people that seethes when service isn't quick enough. I have to tell myself to calm down so i look at the magazines by the til muttering all the time in my head how slow it is. Then the clerk thanks me for my patience. Good thing people can't read minds.
LOL...yes Mel i think it's ok...but for some reason ...visually impaired keeps popping in my head...LOL
my peeves...HA!...where do i begin!
people that drive in the slow lanes
people that don't put their carts away...mainly cuz they leave them next my car....cuz it's a magnet for that
people that walk with their kids a mile behind them and don't pay attention to them
my kids when they don't stop talking when i tell them to
my mother when she nags me about my tattoos and my driving and my loud car
snow
and rude people in general...i'm a very friendly happy person and when i see someone miserable and rude and the slightest feeling that they're bringing me down with them...irrates me
No Mel my Dad is blind and has been all my life and refering to him as blind is exactly what he is. I suppose some want to be refered to as Visually impared but my Dad would say that he is blind. Now having said that he is completely blind so maybe some that have some vision perfer the other but he would not be upset by it.
Ok...is it wrong for me to refer to the woman that was blind as a "blind woman"? I'm not up on whats PC this week....you all know it changes so very often.
I pretty much HATE any form of rudeness. But the other day...I witnessed something that I am still p*ssed off about.
I work retail (and no...i'm not one of those rude b*tches you've already complained about..lol)....anyway, this woman came up to the counter to make a return. She was blind and had another woman with her..a guide. I did the return for her and asked for her debit card so I could put the money right back into her account for her...well she hauled out the wrong debit card. I politely told her so and she appologized and began searching through her wallet for her other debit card. Now....as mentioned...this woman was blind...so it was a taking a little while. She was getting very flustered so I told her not to worry...that there was noone waiting. Anyway, it was at that exact moment that another lady came up behind them..waiting to be served. She overheard my "noone is waiting" comment and rolled her eyes and then glared at me. She watched the blind woman with such disdain. It was ridiculous. Finally I told the lady I was serving (she still hadn't found the right card) that it would be fine for me to credit the other account, completed the transaction and told the ladies to have a wonderful day. Anyway, they move off to the right of the counter, where the woman stops to put her wallet back in her purse. The woman that had been waiting says in a HUGE voice "EXCUSE ME" then slaps her t-shirt on the counter. Honest to god...it was all I could do to hold my tongue. And trust me...the $15 our store made off of that horrible woman wouldn't have mattered too much.
So...there you go....an example of the stupid idiots that are running around out there. RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!!! People like that shouldn't be able to breathe the same air as me.
:mad: Mel
Hi everyone.
I feel the exact same frustrations you do with people who have forgotten about manners, or never learned them in the first place - the drivers, shoppers, store clerks, etc. It only takes a second to say a kind word to someone or do a small favour for them and yet so many people have their noses stuck up in the air. I ask myself why I'm so angry all the time. This is a HUGE reason. I try not to let it bother me, but it really does.
Poor manners has become an epidemic!
I'm so glad that others feel the same way I do.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
:) Experts point to a society where the number of single parents is higher than ever and so many families require a two-paycheck income.
It seems instilling manners is less about disinterested parents and more about lack of time, which makes it hard to restrict, correct or reinforce children's behavior.
Shifting standards
Just as our society's definition of "style" has changed, so too has our definition of "polite." Raising polite kids today is not so much about putting your napkin on your lap as it is about sharing, cooperation and consideration of others.
Here are five basic strategies for guiding children down the path of graciousness, without enrolling them in etiquette class. None require extensive blocks of time, and the long-term effects may be just what you need to raise polite children.
Communicate with your kids. How can you expect to raise a polite child in a decade where the rude and obnoxious antics of Beavis and Butthead leave children of all ages in stitches? Sure, keeping them from watching television would help. But that's not an option everyone wants to take. Editing which programs kids watch will help--but unfortunately, when so many families have both parents working, this is not always possible. A logical alternative? Talk to your kids. Teach them that what they see on television is for entertainment, and not to be taken as "real life." Jancy Bueckers of Austin, Texas learned that the importance of communication begins early, as with her 2-year-old daughter, Destiny.
"One day I was explaining to her why she had to stay in her car seat. She looked right at me and said, 'Shut up, Mommy!' I was shocked, and confused, as my husband and I never use that phrase. About a week later she was watching the cartoon movie Toy Story when I heard the main character say ‘shut up.’ I wasn't about to ban cartoons from our home, but it did force me to take a more active approach to discussing what is okay to repeat and what is not."
Eat together. Dining together is as much about sharing your day as sharing a meal. It's a time for parents to pass on their "family values" without lecturing or preaching. Without even trying, the traditional family meal teaches children about communicating and sharing with others, taking turns, cooperating and the importance of family commitments.
"Running my own business is hard enough," says Marilyn Dunn of Southold, New York, "but factor in soccer practice, gymnastics class, and softball games; sometimes I feel like I never see my kids. Dinner is the one time that we commit to being together. It's a time to share what each of us has experienced that day. Preparing the meal is usually pretty hectic, but it's worth it to have the time with them."
Set a good example. Much of a child's personality comes from his parents. It's important for parents to set ground rules by which they themselves abide. "Do As I Say And As I Do" is the good approach to teaching children how to be polite. Always treat others with kindness and consideration. More specifically, practice saying "please," "thank you," and "you're welcome." Teach children to practice common courtesy by writing thank-you notes for gifts, thoughtful letters to friends and relatives, and remembering birthdays, holidays and those who are hospitalized or ill. Also, be cautious what words and phrases you use around your children. They are like sponges, soaking up what they hear, repeating it at the most inopportune times.
Praise your child for being polite. Positive reinforcement will help your child learn the behaviors you value. Praise a child for acts of kindness. A simple recognition helps reinforce a belief that he did the "right thing."
Howard Phillips of Colorado Springs, Colorado recalls the time when his 5-year-old daughter, Marissa, found a broken plastic flower on the floor at a chain department store. "When we approached the check-out, she held the stemless, trampled flower up to the cashier and said 'I found this on the floor. Can I keep it?' The clerk said 'yes' and I told Marissa that I was very proud of her for turning it in. She looked up at me and said, 'Well, I didn't want to just take it. It's not mine!' I was so proud to know that we had brought her up to be honest and polite."
Set boundaries. Learn to avoid putting your child on the defensive. Correct the behavior rather than the child. Instead of saying, "You have such a foul mouth. Stop using those words," remind him, "We don't use language like that in this house." This will let him know that he is displaying rude behavior, without using put-downs or demeaning the child.
Force-feeding manners to children may not be your style, but good manners should still be expected. In a world where many jobs rely on "people skills," raising your children to be polite may gain them more than just a pat on the back as adults. And although they may not recognize their parents' efforts now, as they mature into well-rounded, considerate individuals, your children may surprise you. When you least expect it, they may give you one of the greatest gifts a parent can receive: a gracious, sincere, polite, "Thanks, Mom and Dad."
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All you can do is make sure your daughters know that they are only responsible for what they do. So if they are being courtious, they are doing great. Those who don't respond or acknowledge their efforts are just being jerks. Maybe they are having a bad day (no excuse IMO), but it shouldn't be something they let get to them. Everytime they do something right it just makes them look better no matter what anyone else does.
I can tell you my brother was raised in the same house I was and if you didn't say please and thankyou etc. you were called on it. In almost any respect he is one of the most courtious guys around, will open doors, help with chairs, what ever it is, but he refuses to thank anyone for anything for some reason. it drives me nuts and is one of the things I suspect his ex the *itch queen taught him. it also drives his new wife nuts as she ends up making sure the thankyou's get out whether it's because a waiter brought water or a Christmas gift gets acknowledged.
He tells us there is no reason to thank people who are doing what they would do anyway (whether they got a thanks or not) but I think he misses the point of just acknowledging someone did something they really didn't have to do and acknowledging their presence and effort whether it was needed or not. To me it is one of those things that costs nothing and can make a big difference. It's two whole syllables or an effortless smile but even after over 10 years of us trying to change his mind, he will not say thank you.
I don't get it. I don't get people who actually buy the 'love means never having to say your sorry' crap or any other way of thinking that shows complete arrogance to others either.
there is an ettiquette forum I've read a few times and you wouldn't believe the things some people try and get away with. it's as if they have no idea of what being part of a social community is about.
I don't see it as any one generation's issue but it does seem to definitly follow parent to child. It does seem the more attached people get to their technology, be it phones or computers, the less they mix with humans and know how to interact.
Anyway, good for your daughter. Good for you for teaching your kids. Try not to let those who don't know better get to you.
Janet, you're teaching your DDs the right thing and too bad your DD experienced this but some ignorant people do exist unfortunately........what she should learn about this not to be discouraged but continue to do the right thing............sometimes we don't really know what's on other people's minds as well............they could be having a difficult day.........
The shopping cart thing really bugs me and then you go a move it so you can go by and they shoot you a dirty look like how dare you move my cart. I don't get it that parents don't teach their kids simple manners opening a door or holding it open instead of letting it slam in your face. My SIL has been to China and Japan and she has said if you don't push and get on the elevator or bus first you will be left behind. They did the right thing and waited for people to get off the elevator and then went to get on and the elevator left without them as everyone else had just pushed on.
OMG, where do I start?!?!??!!? In no particular order:
(1) When I open a door for me to walk in and a person walks out before I have a chance to go in. ESPECIALLY when they don't say anything, as if they think I'm the doorman or something. I'll hold the door open for the person behind me, and I'll hold the door open for someone coming out with a stroller or in a wheelchair or whatever. But if I open the door and you're a yuppie snothead with attitude and a cell phone stuck to your head coming out, you better not get in my way!!!!!
(2) People who walk onto an elevator before people can get off. Hello -- do they not understand the concept that letting people off first means more room in the elevator for them?? Plus less shoving by people who got pushed to the back and need to get out. This also goes for subways and buses.
(3) People who leave their shopping cart sitting in the parking lot because they're too damn lazy to put it in the cart corral.
(4) People who drive slow in the passing lane. It's so totally ignorant and inconsiderate.
(5) People in the grocery store who stop right smack in the middle of the aisle and refuse to budge.
I'm sure I'll think of more!!
janetc - that is my biggest pet peeve!! People believe that they are important enough that I feel like standing around holding the door open for them....argh!!!
Pearl_girl - I do the exact same thing. It really throws people off and makes them realize they are being arrogant when you say "you're welcome" without them saying "thank you"....hopefully it teaches them a subtle lesson!!!
Many of the younger adults and the baby boomers for example are the "me" generation. "Me first" and they expect to be treated that way. So if you hold a door open for some of them they do not always say thank you or smile because they expect to be first.
They want everything new, the best and they want it now irregardless of what they can afford, That generation pays the highest interest on credit card debt just to have the best and have it now. It is too bad they do not realize that it costs no $ to smile or say thank you. JMO. :)
I sometimes look at them after holding a door to some of them and just say "your welcome." That really confuses them lol