I was approached the other day by one of the trainers at puppy daycare. She expressed to me how much she loved Kohl and would love to have him. Kohl LOVES her! With all out problems and thousands of dollars spend on training Kohl I am temped to thow in the towel and say.. Hey, here is the leash. I KNOW that he would be going to a great home... Part of me is being selfish and saying NO WAY I am going to make this dog listen to me...
What do you guys think? Hubby said it was up to me.. NICE EH? We love Kohl DEARLY but is it time to throw in the towel?
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oreokitty everyone has said what I feel to on degree or another so I wouldn't repeat all that. The only thing I will say is to make sure you get $s for Kohl. A free pet is a disposable pet. Read some more information about it here:
The Tragedy of "Free To Good Home"
© Copyright 1997-2000, PetRescue.Com
Most people have good intentions when they advertise a cat or dog as "Free To Good Home". They care what happens to the animal and are not interested in making money. All they want to do is find a nice family that is willing to give the pet a loving, responsible home.
The tragedy occurs when the animal is mistakenly put into a situation where it is neglected, abandoned, abused, or even sold for lab experimentation. Sadly, this sort of thing happens thousands of times each day across America.
Giving any pet away is misguided. People tend not to value what they don't pay for. If you charge a nominal fee of $35-$45 or more for an animal, the new owner is more likely to take their commitment to the pet seriously. A free pet is a disposable pet!
Paying a fee for a pet shows good faith on the part of the new owner and demonstrates their willingness to properly care for the animal. The truth is, there is no such thing as a "free" pet anyway. By the time a cat or dog is checked out by a vet, including shots, worming, health testing, and spay/neuter, a "free" pet will easily cost in excess of $100, and that's just for starters. A responsible person who would properly take care of an animal will understand this and will not be opposed to paying a reasonable fee for a healthy pet, especially if some or all of these health items have already been taken care of.
Still not convinced? Then ask yourself these questions, "If a person cannot afford to pay an adoption fee for a pet, how will they be able to afford the normal expenses of proper pet care? And how will they ever afford vet bills when the pet gets sick?"
If you are uncomfortable with asking a fee for the pet, consider including food, toys, supplies, etc. as an added incentive. The idea is not to make a profit, but to ensure the good intentions of the new owner. In any event, the animal should be "fixed" and have its "shots" before it is adopted out and these costs alone can easily equal $45 or more. Use the adoption fee to recoup your expenses.
One final thought on this subject - if you absolutely don't want to take any money yourself, ask the adoptor to make the check out to a local animal shelter or SPCA instead. These organizations can surely use the help!
What can happen to a pet that is given free to a casual, uncommitted owner?
Abandoned to the streets. This is the most likely scenario that occurs when an uncommitted owner tires of a pet. Street animals suffer every day of their short lives. The end always comes painfully, either from violent trauma or from lingering disease.
Handed over to Animal Control and euthanized. People who do not take their responsibilities seriously always take the easy way out!
Marginally Owned. The pet will not be cared for properly and is often allowed to roam the streets.
Abused. The owner will not make the effort to properly train the animal. Often this leads to inappropriate responses from the owner and abuse of the pet when it "misbehaves".
Next, we would like you to be aware that there are dishonest people who routinely obtain animals for profit by fraudulently answering "Free To Good Home" ads. They are usually very persuasive and friendly. They know all the "right" answers to your questions because they do this sort of thing on a regular basis. Some may even bring their kids along to make you think they are a loving family!
The most important thing you can do to discourage this kind of person is to charge an adoption fee! This makes it much more difficult for them to realize a profit so they will usually not bother contacting you.
What can happen to an animal if you let one of these con artists have it?
Used to "live train" fighting dogs. The animal you expected to be a pet is used to bait a fighting dog and is literally torn to pieces.
Sold at Flea Markets or Auctions to anybody who happens along. Most of the time these animals are neglected, kept in cramped, unsanitary conditions and often become sick and diseased.
Sold to a Class-B Dealer who then resells the animal to a research facility. People who practice the despicable act of rounding up strays to sell them are referred to as "Bunchers". At the research facility, the animal may suffer abuse and most likely will be euthanized after they are finished with it.
Used for breeding stock in a "Puppy Mill". The living conditions in most of these establishments are deplorable. *****es have continuous litters, one after the another.
Used as live food or bait for exotics like snakes or alligators.
Sacrificed in cult rituals. Some people find this hard to believe, but the FBI has many files documenting this kind of activity in our country.
How can you help to prevent these tragedies?
Convince your local newspapers to post warnings in their pet classified sections! A lot of papers across the country are already doing this.
Call "Free To Good Home" ads and warn them! Check newspapers regularly and let people know what could happen to their pet and tell them how to prevent this avoidable situation.
Advise people not to adopt out pets at Halloween! Solid black and solid white cats are especially in danger at this time of the year. Cult members and vicious pranksters are on the lookout for animal victims. It is a common practice of most shelters and rescue organizations to never adopt out black or white cats during the Halloween season.
Pass on these tips to persons who are adopting out animals:
Don't give pets away! Reference the reasons previously given in this article.
Be sure to "fix" the pet before adoption to prevent more "Free To Good Home" ads! Find out if the local humane or others will spay or neuter the animal for a reasonable cost. Use the adoption fee to recoup your money.
The most important thing you can do to stop animal abuse is to spay or neuter your pets!
Use a Pet Adoption Agreement! Please don't let the animal out of your door without a signed adoption agreement! This will usually stop dishonest people in their tracks.
An adoption form is available from our library as an Adobe Acrobat® pdf file.
Read our tips on "How to Find and Evaluate a Prospective Pet Adopter." Telephone screening forms are also available in our library.
Source: [url]http://www.petrescue.com/library/free-pet.htm[/url]
As hard as this is for me to say, I think you should give the dog away. This is of course based on what you have said you knowing this person and that she is able to handle the dog. I would not suggest returning the dog to the breeder because in my mind they are ultimately the ones at fault here. A Doberman is an inappropriate breed for a first time dog owner. It is the breeders responsbility to ensure that they are selling the animal to an appropriate home! My concern is if you do keep this dog, which you have little control over, it may ultimatlely lead to its death. By this I mean it may bite you someone....this is a preventable problem.
You know there is somethng very positive here if you look at it in a different light maybe. Someone is truly wanting to give Kohl a home, to the point of outright asking you. It doesn't get much better than that when you've got a pet you just aren't sure you are suited for/with and for sure, there are times when the match just isn't quite right. There couldn't be anything more ideal than someone who wants him, knows how to handle him, and who probably would love him to pieces.
My Ebony is from a home that decided they had made a mistake. They realized within a week of getting her and although you've had Kohl longer, that doesn't come into the equation for me. The issue is the same...whether it's better for the dog to get another home based on where he is going to thrive and be best suited. No matter how long someone has had a pet, there are probably going to be tears and heartbreak for a while, but saving yourself pain shouldn't cloud the issue IMO.
When I got Ebony, the previous owner was very upset, almost didn't let her go, but I can tell you this dog gets all the things here that they couldn't give her (mostly time and attention) given their lifestyle at the time. It was very hard for them but great for me and better for the dog. She has a good home here and I know she is happier and I am pleased as could be (even if she does poop on the floor sometimes). So for everyone all around, it was a good solution even if there were some tears.
Your guilt or feelings really shouldn't come into it so try and put them aside for now. It does sound like you have tried everything in your means to make this work, but if it isn't, it isn't. Nothing to feel guilty about there. So, First things first, what is better for Kohl? What will work better for you, really, no emotional response if you can manage it. Then you can consider what you want/need better, and how things balance out.
I guess you also have to decide whether you are dealing with something that you have to make work, or whether it's something you need to let go. The only time I think you can feel any failure is when you do something you know isn't working and just keep doing it. In this case, if you are really at the point in your life when the dog isn't working out, or he's the wrong breed for your temperment, skills, life style or whatever....well, there is someone there with open arms wanting him. You aren't leaving him by the road, dropping him off at the pound, or anything else, you would just be finding him a good match with someone who wants him and finding a good solution to a problem. Better that than more frustration and stress and still being in the same position a year from now and not having someone wanting to take him home.
I guess (to me) it seems you probably have already shown which side you are truly on by saying you were tempted by the offer. With either of the dogs I've had, even on their worst days, a million dollar offer wouldn't have even had me bat an eye, no temptation at all, no question. Your first instinct is probalby right in this case. You may have more than you are ready to deal with right now.
As for hubby throwing anything in your face...well...let's call a spade a shovel here. The guy is the worst kind of coward for passing the buck to you on this. He would be so far off base to try to pass any judgement that it would be time to show him the curb if he even tried it IMO. The guy is being a wimp and has zero right to comment after abdicating all responsibility for (as I recall) his bright idea to get the dog in the first place.
Meanwhile there is an old trick you can try. Flip a coin. When you do, notice your first response and whether it was relief or a bit of tension and you may just find your answer. It's cheap and fast and sometimes really telling when you are too far in the trees to see the forest.
Whatever you decide, I am comforted to know that Kohl really will be taken care of regardless. Either way he has a loving home and that matters a lot. I don't think you could be in a better position for this kind of decision. No guilt, let hubby have that as he probably deserves it.
I sometimes wonder about people who are in the dog business that solicit for dogs when they sense the current owner is having problems. I wonder if the same said people would be as keen to "adopt" the dog is the said dog came with a price tag? In my experience I've found that in most of the cases of a pet owner being approached to voluntarily surrender their dog to a "caring individual" is that "caring individual" usually has a hidden motive. Whether it's they are realizing an opportunity to acquire an other wise very expensive breed for free or they are hoarders or simply ppl that think they know better than the current owner, I do question the motives for asking. For me, if I were to sense that an owner is having problems with their dog for whatever the reason, my first line of inquiries to the owner is what can we do to solve the problem certainly not to make noises about potenially wanting to "adopt" the dog.
Call me cynical, but I'd be very wary of this person's motive for wanting Kohl. What I'm reading into her offer is someone (who is by your description a dog trainer and should be the first to be making suggestions on how to deal with Kohl and your training needs) that is taking advantage of prior knowledge that you've been experiencing training issues with Kohl and is targeting her acquisition of Kohl based on playing to your emotions - ie, "I can give him a better life, home." As I said above, I wonder if her interest would be at the same level if you said sure, you can have Kohl if you pay x amount of dollars.
k... something else to consider....I believe you have mentioned that you are Kohl's second home. Given that he's only 2 and now there is talk about (even if it's hypothetical right now) him potentially going to a third home. Now fast forward a few years to when Kohl is 5 and without his training issues addressed, his lack of security in his pack he's now in his 5th home. How long do you realistically think it would be before he's put down?
Oreo, if you really are considering giving Kohl up, contact his breeder and either let the breeder take him back or allow them to help you rehome him. If I found out anyone of my dogs had been simply given away without the owner contacting me, I'd be more than annoyed (mind you my contracts demand the dogs are returned to me no matter how old they are). If the breeder for whatever reason isn't interested in taking him back, then contact the dobie rescue - they have way more experience in rehoming a dobie and they will be super cautious about who he goes to.
Personally, with what you have described about Kohl's training issues don't seem all that difficult to deal with -providing you take it serious and get down to dealing with them. Flopping around from training idea to training idea and waiting for the magic bullet to appear from what ever source you've determined will be the one, isn't getting Kohl trained. The only magic bullet that will produce a well behaved dog is the one that sees you out in the park every day for 20 mins, practicing the training exercises and the constant and consistent way you deal with him while he's in the house.
Consider this, in the time it took you to type out all the messages about Kohl, you could have used that same amount of time reinforcing a training need. My dogs are 7 and 9 years old and I still spend 20 mins a day with them reinforcing training and obedience. It's the only way to ensure my dog's are well behaved, if I let the training go, my guys are smart enough to jump at the opportunity to do their own thing.
I re-read my post and realized it sounded perhaps a bit harsh. I have no idea whether you are an 'irresponsible pet owner", I claim I am one myself since I gave up a cat 'just like that'. My point is that I think you're doing the responsible thing when you're considering giving him up. Since it's causing you this much agony, it might be the right choice, for you and the dog. But I think you need to make that decision yourself and not let the influence of a bunch of strangers here make the choice for you. Remember we don't know every little detail of your life, so making an assumption based on a few posts here and there might not be the best advice.
I'm not sure a decorating board is where you want to take cues for your life from, be it as a pet owner or as a parent. I had to give up a cat once so he didn't have to spend 20 hours on a plane and 3 months in quarantene, as a result of that, I will never allow myself to have a pet again. Yet, I know where he is and I can see him whenever I want to, and do quite often. There is nothing I find more ridiculous than people who on a whim gets a pet, only to turn around and give it away when they are no longer interested, regardless of what the reason is. Irresponsible people shouldn't own pets.
From what I can remember, this isn't the first time you're pondering to give him up. I don't think you can equate owing a dog to having a child, although, from what I hear, some people do take better care of their pets than their children.
A pet, cat, dog, whatever it is, isn't something you throw out when it doesn't please you any longer. A Doberman is a huge responsibility, as is any dog, but to get such a demanding breed for a first time dog owner doesn't seem like a good idea. I'm torn between suggesting whether you should give him up or not. On the other hand, giving him to an experienced dog trainer who knows the breed and the responsibility it takes is perhaps the better choice, for the dog, not for you.
DH will throw that in my face!
Do you really want kids with this man....maybe you should rethink the whole process and just maybe Kohl has been a blessing in disguise..
Harsh maybe but that is how I see it from your posts...
You and Kohl both need to be happy and I know he is company for you right now as I gathered that much from your post.
The longer you put off the decision the harder it is...making the decision is the easy part...getting there is another story...
Good luck whatever you decide.. :)
I LOVE Kohl to death but your right is he happy? Yes because he doens't know any better. He is very loved and most days well behaved (just not on walks). If I made a list of all the things I love about Kohl it would honestly go on forever.. It is only two faults one of which isn't his that is pushing me to give him to this loving family. One being he is launching at people while walking but I have boughten him a mussle and I am sure that would stop very quickly one we have him trained on that. Two, my hubby (this is the part where it isn't Kohls fault). He isn't home to help me out with Kohl. The lack of responsibility on his part even when he is home. Honestly, I don't mind taking care of Kohl on my own because I do love him but he is alot of work which I mostly like doing but there is the acceptions.
Your right about the guilt thing.. That is what is killing me! I feel like I have failed and if I can't take care of a great dog then how the heck am I going to take care of a kid? I know that, that would bite me in the ass when it come time to have kids. DH will throw that in my face!
Maybe that is what I am looking for from you guys is to make my decission for me and that isn't fair of me to ask either. Gosh I love that dog and my heart breaks to even think about giving him to a new home...
He is only 2.. He will grow out of this stupid stage he did with the rest.. (sorry thinking out loud..) I think we are going to try the behaviorlist and see what she thinks... Either way he will have or has a great home with people that love him...
By that I mean you and Kohl. Don't keep Kohl just because you feel guilty. Are you happy being a pet owner? It's a big responsibility. Equally important is Kohl as happy as he could be? This may not be the right time in life for you to have a pet. Do what is best for Kohl.
I once bought a one year old beagle that I loved, but quickly learned that our family of working people could not give her the attention she needed. She got out of the yard repeatedly, no matter how we tried to block exits and had to be retrieved repeatedly from the pound at a pretty price. She clawed through drywall if left indoors alone. She needed school, but I lacked both time and money.
I had to sell her. I advertised and a lovely family who lived in a very small town answered my ad. I told them about every single bad thing Daisy the dog had done - all about her Houdini acts and her carsickness. They assured me that the stay at home mom would have time to train her and kids would walk her and that none of my concerns troubled them. I was happy to see her go to a good home with a family that was willing to work with her and could do a much better job than I was able.
Oreo, don't feel bad. If some able person has the time to give good loving care to Kohl and wants him, what better situation could there be for all of you?
My sentiments exactly...
Our dog is 13 years old...will you be able to carry on for at least that long? And now my dog is old and soon may show signs of losing control - which I do not look forward to. We have however, kept her confined to our very large kitchen when we are not home and she can have more freedom on carpets in our family room and basement when we are there. She has still managed to poop and pee and hurl on the carpets when the gate was left open while we were in other parts of the house. (like the bathroom)
You have a pet for a long time. Think about the future with Kohl.
If you are waiting for members to say go ahead give him away then DH is off the hook. Time he took some responsiblity in this dog..JMHO.
:confused:
But then I can never uderstand why people get a dog that needs a lot of exercise and training only to leave them with someone else or at home alone while they are out working. It's just me but I do not get the reasoning at all. :)
it sounds as though you want validation for wanting to give him away. honestly i think it wouldn't be a bad thing and if you can get over the guilt you are feeling for wanting this it is a good move for Kohl, you are right he would be loved and trained by someone who has the time for him as well.
on a seperate note.... even more concerning is why is this left only up to you? Why Dh doesn't want to hold any responsibility for this decision? i feel for you as this is a tough thing to do. be prepared to miss him terribly once gone. that silence can be eerie.
good luck.
awwww...don't give up on the poor guy yet...he's still young and thinks everything is a game...my guy used to run off into peoples backyards when we lived in the city...do you know what it's like asking people if they can let him in their house so i could catch him and bring him home...and beat the crap out of him when we got back...now he's soooo much better and older too